Angry and the Universe and Becoming Hopeless

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    Ocean Lee

    I am feeling like the Universe and/or the Gods hate me or at least don’t care about me at all.  First I had what was supposed to be a minor surgery on my sinuses but the doctor poked a hole in my brain.  He didn’t know it.  (I honestly think the hole happened when he stabbed scissors up my nose to remove the packing without looking and without warning me but the doctor who fixed the hole in my brain said that’s not possible.)  Even though I called his office 6 times in 8 days saying something was wrong.  I had all the symptoms the exit paperwork said to call immediately if they appeared but, he refused to see me.  He said I was being hysterical and needed to rest.  I ended up with dry brain and brain droop.  I had meningitis and my eye popped out 2mm.  I went into cardiac arrest.  I tried to sue him to no avail since a CSF leak was a potential complication of the surgery.  Why wasn’t he held to the fact that he should have known that too?

    The eye specialist measured the 2mm eye pop out during my first visit.  I called her in panic because I was trying to pop my ear and sucked my eye back in instead.  She said she was out of the country and wouldn’t be back for 2 weeks but if it didn’t hurt it was fine.  I saw her after she came back and the 2mm difference was gone.  She then said I was imagining it to begin with and removed it from my chart.  (This was a specialist at UCLA so not a small fry.)  The nurse while I was in the hospital overdosed me.  The nurse who replaced her was male he made negative sexual comments about my body.  I complained and the hospital said it didn’t happen.  I have PTSD which was majorly effected by all this.  My work retaliated against me because I missed a month of work and had to work from home for 2 more months after that.  I made a complaint to the EEOC but it is unlikely they will have consequences.  It’s been a year and a half and I’m still not back to my full physical or mental health.  I am still a wreck and I am beginning to think that what I was sure were mystical spiritual experiences throughout my life were more likely mental illness.  I worked so hard for justice and believed I would get justice too, to no avail.  When I wonder about bad things the universe delivers in a hot second.  When I wonder about good things – nothing.  Everywhere I look, my fellow spiritual followers say I just need more faith trust and pixie dust and I used to believe that so much. Visualization, affirmations, belief, not giving up even when it takes time but nothing.  After years of trying and decades of working hard to still struggle financially, it is all starting to sound like what charlatan Christian faith healers say – you just don’t believe enough.  I don’t know what to do.  I am so very exhausted and tired.  I am starting to lose faith in the gods and the universe.  I don’t know if I want to be a part of either anymore even if they do exist.  They seem so cruel to me now.


    Dear Ocean Lee:

    I hope that your physical and mental health improves a whole lot, and soon.

    I don’t think the gods or the universe (a sort of a god, in a new age kind of way) hate you. I don’t think so because I don’t believe in gods.

    The injustice you experience is a result of injustice being a frequent occurrence in life. As unfortunate as injustice is, as unfortunate it is that people hurt people, it is reality and there is nothing you or I can do to change this reality. Here and there, sometimes, there is something we can do. But regarding most injustices, no, nothing we can do.

    If I could have changed injustice, there would be no more wars, no more pollution, no drinking-and-driving, no more corruption, no more crime (legal and illegal crime) and so forth. And no more medical malpractice and neglect as well.

    Reality is what it is. We have to change what we believe so that what we believe fits reality.

    Reality doesn’t change so to fit what we believe, or would like to believe.



    Ocean Lee

    So life sucks and there is no God.  Got it

    Ocean Lee

    Please delete this thread.


    Dear Ocean Lee,

    I would like you to take a second now to calm down and know that this is not permanent.

    In fact, everything is temporary. This comes to prove a point – that all good things will end, but all bad things will come to an end as well.

    From what I’ve read, you feel like what you have just experienced is a tornado of misfortune. And as I continue to read what you have typed, I do agree that you have gone through a lot in a short span of time – and you did not deserve any of these incidents that you have faced.

    I understand how unfair it must seem to you now, but know that the people who have done you wrong will experience misfortune in their own ways further in their lives. They are sure to experience karma and be miserable – because they made others feel miserable.

    As for you, continue believing in what you WANT to believe in.

    Do not let any external circumstance shift the very thing that you believe in. You must have faith in what has brought you so far in life as an adult.

    I urge you because it is more difficult than ever to stay hopeful – to have the most faith now. Continue believing in what you believe in. Especially because it is the hardest now to stay hopeful, you have to challenge yourself to brave through this turbulent time of yours. You have to stay strong because the Gods can’t possibly hate you. They would love to root you on, to give you perfection, but the flaws do happen once in a while.

    What sets you apart from others would be you continuing to stay brave and hopeful in times like these.

    I hope you can persevere.

    I’m always a listening ear.

    Warmest regards,


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