imperfectly happy (:
Forum Replies Created
May 23, 2018 at 8:16 am #208943
Dear Ocean Lee,
I would like you to take a second now to calm down and know that this is not permanent.
In fact, everything is temporary. This comes to prove a point – that all good things will end, but all bad things will come to an end as well.
From what I’ve read, you feel like what you have just experienced is a tornado of misfortune. And as I continue to read what you have typed, I do agree that you have gone through a lot in a short span of time – and you did not deserve any of these incidents that you have faced.
I understand how unfair it must seem to you now, but know that the people who have done you wrong will experience misfortune in their own ways further in their lives. They are sure to experience karma and be miserable – because they made others feel miserable.
As for you, continue believing in what you WANT to believe in.
Do not let any external circumstance shift the very thing that you believe in. You must have faith in what has brought you so far in life as an adult.
I urge you because it is more difficult than ever to stay hopeful – to have the most faith now. Continue believing in what you believe in. Especially because it is the hardest now to stay hopeful, you have to challenge yourself to brave through this turbulent time of yours. You have to stay strong because the Gods can’t possibly hate you. They would love to root you on, to give you perfection, but the flaws do happen once in a while.
What sets you apart from others would be you continuing to stay brave and hopeful in times like these.
I hope you can persevere.
I’m always a listening ear.
NanaMay 23, 2018 at 8:04 am #208939
Dear Carlos Ramod,
Really, thank you for not keeping your emotions in you and letting them out in a safe avenue like TinyBuddha.
It is a very powerful first step to take to get out of your current situation.
From what I read, I know that it must feel horrible to have all the misfortune unfolding in front of your eyes at once.
I want you to know that whatever you are feeling, it is not permanent and you are not alone. Please do stay strong and understand that taking your own life right here and now will also be taking away the chance for you to be happy again in the future.
I strongly believe that you can be happy again. The thing you can do now is to stay strong, persevere, and fight on.
Keep finding ways to improve yourself, and gradually you will find a way out. And committing suicide is not the way out, although it seems like a viable option as of now. You have to face reality and overcome it.
You have the potential to do so.
I am confident because I pondered suicide multiple times before as well.
However, I never actually did it for fear of harming the people who care about me.
I want you to know now, Carlos Ramod, that we all care for you. As a fellow human being, do have hope for a better future. I understand that it is hard to have faith at this point in time in your life, especially after what you have gone through. However, the universe is always expanding. Know that nothing is impossible, and with an optimistic mentality, you can bring true joy to yourself and the people around you.
I trust you.
Feel free to get back to me, okay? I will be listening.
NanaApril 20, 2018 at 6:01 am #203323
I’m glad you’ve decided to take a step to challenge yourself and let yourself learn from your past experiences. Not many manage to do so because they fear the past, and I admire your growth mindset.
You can do it!
Feel free to take a break when need to, you are also a human.
JunApril 17, 2018 at 8:11 am #202817
I am glad you seem better.
Continue telling yourself kind words – like the things we tell you.
Let these affirmations resound within yourself until it is part of you.
You can do it. We are all trying.
JunApril 16, 2018 at 7:02 am #202635
You are not alone.
I am by no means a trained counsellor, but I can tell you some advice of my own.
It is very normal for people to be stuck in their past, especially when they want to change something that they have done in the past but are unable to do so. By dwelling in the past, they hope that they are able to make a change such that their future will be different, but what they are doing is actually the opposite.
I experienced this first-hand.
There was also a period of time where I was unable to get out of my head and I kept repeating a bullying incident in my life numerous times for a few months. It was horrible, and I felt that I was in an emotional wreck every day.
However, I learnt that life is imperfect and that we all have different experiences that shape us into who we are today. What we all went through is unique to ourselves, and it is what makes us special.
Only from crises do we learn and grow, and what we can do is to stop overthinking about the past and the future, and just focus on the present. Although it sounds easy, it might not be as simple executing it. This is because our human brain is hard-wired to keep thinking, and these thoughts will be in a self-entertaining loop unless boundaries are set.
What has happened has already happened, and we can do nothing to change it.
What has yet to happen has not happened, and we have no control over it as well.
The only thing we can do is to live in the moment, laugh when it’s funny, cry when it’s unbearable. It is all part and parcel of life. Although some parts of our history are emotionally scarring, they are there to serve a purpose. These memories are there to teach us something, and slowly but surely, we are becoming stronger humans.
You can do it. You might not think you can, but you are able to pull through this like you have once before.
Stay wonderful and brave.
JunApril 16, 2018 at 6:55 am #202629
I can fully empathise.
I, too, am a slave to overthinking and it has affected me adversely in many aspects of my life.
Times where I can stay calm and grounded, being present in the moment, I have spent it mourning about what has already happened or what has yet to happen.
I pretend that I can change the past or I can control the future, and that, is fully wrong. The only control we have over our lives is in the present, and it took me a while to realise that.
While you can overthink how your partner might be cheating on you etcetera, know that it serves no good except for causing excessive worry. You are able to control this. You can combat this.
Revert your attention from this stream of rumination and instead, focus on yourself or loving your partner. Overthinking does not solve anything, and it will only bring about damage to your mental health.
Stay rooted to the present, and be strong.
You can do it. Self-realisation is already the first step.
JunApril 16, 2018 at 6:50 am #202627
You have done well by sharing your feelings through this platform, and I would like to comfort you by letting you know that your feelings are heard.
When you are feeling misery, please do not keep the trauma in your heart and instead vent it out, it will indeed help you to feel better. We all have times in our lives where we feel stuck and unable to move out from a whirl of negativity but know that you are stronger than you think and you will be able to pull through this.
I see that you are overthinking, and about a certain person which is not allowing you to move out from your current spot to continue threading your life path.
Take your time, and when you are comfortable, step out from this trap that you have set for yourself. This trap has prevented you from going further. It will not be easy, but try your best to take your mind off this guy and focus your energy on what is positive and meaningful instead.
You can do it. You are strong. You are independent. Do not forget that.
JunApril 16, 2018 at 6:42 am #202623
I am glad you decided to share your woes with the community here in TinyBuddha and I hope doing so has allowed you to feel better, even by a little bit.
I admire your courage for sharing your story, and I would like to comfort you by telling you that although you are in no place to stop horrible circumstances from happening, you are in a place to control how you react or feel towards these moments.
I understand that you have gone through a lot, and you are feeling very saddened by it all. I urge you not to give up and let these experiences shape you into a stronger person as well. Seeing that you feel lost and require guidance, I encourage you to talk to people, be it your family or even strangers – sometimes the advice these people can give can surprise you.
I have once felt lost and confused, but I have gotten past the storm and I urge you to never give up, because everybody’s journey is different and so will be yours. You can do it.
JunnaMarch 13, 2018 at 10:14 pm #197127
I am glad you opened up to the TinyBuddha forum.
Your self-realisation itself is already a huge step forward, and I’m glad you’re trying to find a way out of your self-comparison.
If you were to ask me, I feel that the condition is perfectionism. You set unrealistically high expectations of yourself – and that, I’m guilty of it too. I used to do it all the time.
But I’ve become better at controlling the temptation to judge myself, after all, aren’t we all our worst critics?
I’m practising self-love and self-compassion more, as well as knowing that we are all human. We all make mistakes. We can’t afford to be perfect because as cheesy as it sounds, nobody is perfect.
Again, Mike, don’t be harsh on yourself because you’ve realised that you self-compare. Instead, try to understand that we all have our strengths and limitations. Sometimes, the further you push, the further you get. Be patient with yourself, and tell me about your thoughts.
JunnaMarch 13, 2018 at 10:09 pm #197125
After understanding your situation, my heart goes out to you.
You did not deserve whatever you experienced when you were younger, and the people who are trying to hide the truth from justice are horrible people.
Listen to your own heart, rather than the voices of others.
You are a precious human being, and there is so much more to experience in this world, better things, happier things.
I wish you the best <3
JunnaJanuary 30, 2018 at 7:22 am #189759
First and foremost, let me applaud you for your courage to be able to open up to this community.
I think that it’s very respectable that one has a bravery like yours, and it’s excellent because it means that you’re not keeping your feelings bottled up inside of you.
You must be feeling horrible, N, seeing that you’re facing so many events at a time. You’re worried about your mother, your siblings are not making your life any easier, the issue with your internship, your job, etcetera. I agree that it is certainly too much to handle, and you must feel that your focus is very scattered.
I have been there before. I understand. With so many commitments piled up and so many things to stress about, you just want to escape from it all. I do have this avoidance tendency before, and even now, I have it. It is normal. I just wanted to tell you that.
It is very hard to cope currently, but my advice on this matter is to set priorities. Set a goal at a time for you to achieve. When you do so, you’re actually taking active steps instead of spiralling around your current spot of self-pity. I realise that I’m using pretty harsh words at the moment, but it’s required because I see that you’re currently too pressured to carry yourself as per normal in your life.
I hope that you heed my advice and start to continue living life again with confidence that things will be better. With hope in your heart that knows that the current you might not be in the best position – but there will be worst and there will be better as well. I believe in you!
I have had similar thoughts before – especially when I felt like my life was in the gutters too. I was jealous of my friends who looked like they have had it all under control, I envied how they looked like they were enjoying their present moments. However, I come to realise that what we are seeing is just the tip of the iceberg. We don’t know their full story that led them to get to their current destination. And I rather not to know, because they are them – I am me. Let me focus on improving myself, and becoming a better person than who I was before.
I do not need the best circumstances to put me in the best of moods. I am in control of my own feelings, and you too – you have the right to be happy.
I encourage you to follow your heart and stop thinking.
I wish you the best of luck.
JN.January 30, 2018 at 7:09 am #189753
I am glad that you decided to open up to the TinyBuddha community by sharing your deepest insecurities.
It is really admirable that you have decided to do so.
You know yourself best. That is what you think, but sometimes, our inner critics are overly selfish and unreasonable. To others, we might seem like we have it all; to others, they feel that we are good enough. Yet to ourselves, we never feel that we are good enough.
You are not alone. I myself struggle with this feeling of “not being good enough”, and it is not a positive feeling at all. In fact, it makes me so upset and gets me really down sometimes. Therefore, I would like to stress the importance of self-love and giving ourselves love, respect and affirmations from time to time.
Or rather, if you could give yourself love and respect you give to your friends – and you do that continually, I can assure you that you’ll reap positive and unmeasurable benefits.
Hannah, I think that you are a wonderful person, and you deserve all the love you can get. You might not think that way currently, and that’s perfectly alright – baby steps, yeah? First of all, you got to identify what is faulty in your train of thought – is it overly pessimistic? Are you looking down on the strengths that you actually have?
Stop judging yourself. You’re a human just like everyone else. I understand that binging on unhealthy food seems like a temporary fix – the sugar does give you an adrenaline rush after all. However, understand that the happiness you get is only short-lived, and the most long-lasting form of happiness I’ve seen is from loving yourself.
Regardless of all your flaws, accept yourself. Shower yourself with optimism, and see your world change to a different light!
The guy who left you is not a right piece for you. Why do I say this? It is because a guy who is right for you will be there to cherish you, be there for you, and love you. That guy is a jerk. Do your best to eradicate him out of your life! Focus on loving and improving yourself slightly each day. Don’t aim for too drastic of a change – you can’t change your entire mindset in an entire day, but you can take active steps to walk towards that goal.
Don’t lose sight of that goal, and your life will become more fulfilling! Trust me on that.
When you have the courage, face your fears directly. Confront them, and debunk them. Attack them. Find new perspectives on the matter. I believe in you!
Jun NaDecember 28, 2017 at 7:45 am #184103
I hope you are feeling better. You have a beautiful name! Please do not say sorry for having emotions. Everybody hurts, and it’s completely human to feel like you do. Nobody can be happy all the time, and that’s perfectly alright!
I just wanted to let you know that we are all here for you, including myself. You can share your feelings with us, and we will be here to listen and give whatever advice we can. I know you are feeling bad that you are alone, and you have had a rough past. But note that the rough past has shaped you to who you are today, someone special and completely unique with your own set of skills. Nobody could compare to you, and it goes without saying that you should not compare yourself with others too.
Even when other people reject you, I would like to encourage you to accept yourself. Love yourself. Honor yourself. Tell yourself that you’re worth it, despite how others treat you. Because how other people treat you is their problem, and not yours. Believe me on that, Eliana! 🙂
Eliana, please do not pray for God to take your life every night before bed anymore. I understand that you must be feeling so empty, and hollow, inside. I have felt like you before, so I empathize. My words might not mean a lot to you, but that’s alright, because it is ultimately we ourselves who dictate what we do in life. Whether you choose to internalize what I’m saying is up to you – but as corny as it sounds, there will always be light at the end of the tunnel. There will be many tunnels we’ll be walking through in life, and this is just one of yours on this Christmas eve. You can get through it. Just like all the other occasions, you will brave through it and emerge stronger again. Have faith in yourself.
I realize that you are hurting a lot, both externally and internally. From your description, it does sound really painful. Persevere! Do not give up just yet! We are all here for you, genuinely.
Jun NaDecember 5, 2017 at 6:27 pm #180687
It is a good step for you to want to share about your thoughts and fears on this forum. Sometimes the past holds memories we wish to delete, but I am afraid that is not possible. Do not fault yourself forever. We need to learn to let go. Reading about your situation, my opinion is that a peck on the lips is certainly not as severe as “sexual abuse”. According to The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Edition, the definition of sexual abuse is as follows, the forcing of unwanted sexual activity by one person on another, as by the use of threats or coercion. And according to Wikipedia, some examples of sexual activities are sexual intercourse, non-penetrative sex, oral sex, etc.
You might be feeling guilty about the whole incident, but you were curious, and you have done it, so that’s it. The baby probably isn’t affected by it much, and you’re the only one suffering in this whole ordeal. I feel that you might’ve taken this a bit too extremely, because from another person’s perspective, it could be a sign of affection from a relative to another. Then your next concern would be the flashback you had about your dad and yourself, right? You might be overthinking things, although the thought that your dad might have sexually abused you could hold true, but it is not definite, is it not? I don’t think you’ll ever come to a final answer, but one thing you could do that would help yourself now is not to dwell on the past, and not to try to predict the future – live in the moment and live each day to the fullest.
It is not as easy as it sounds, but you will have to overcome what holds you back. Rest assured that you aren’t crazy, you might just be a little lost currently, and that’s everyone as well – it’s just how lost they are at the moment. I can relate to you, because I’m someone who can be stressed over the same issue for a long period of time, and being stuck is certainly not a pleasant feeling… I’ve learnt that sometimes feelings aren’t rational, and we will have to accept it. The matters of the heart are complicated 🙂
All in all, I feel that you’re someone brave with a strong sense of justice perhaps, which could be why you are feeling so worried. You’re fine. You aren’t terrible. Forgive yourself, forgive others, and you’ll be stronger after the phase of life. Recognize that your thoughts are intrusive and keep them at bay by engaging yourself with other tasks in life! Sending you love from Singapore xxOctober 27, 2017 at 9:51 pm #175301
Thank you for being vulnerable and talking about your insecurity. It touches my heart that you yearn to change to become someone better! I really respect that.
The thing is, wanting to stop attracting attention is not a mentality you can completely change in a day or two. It takes time and your own resilience to change it. Don’t put yourself too much stress on changing your entire personality in a couple of weeks, because that is definitely not enough.
Practise changing your mindset whenever you feel like attracting attention. The more you practise not trying to gain attention from others, one day I’m sure you’ll be freed from the superficiality of attention.
All the best in pursuing the dream you!