October 22, 2017 at 5:22 am #174151
What can I do with this? I really crave for attention. Sometimes, causing trouble in my romantic relationship.October 22, 2017 at 6:09 am #174161AnonymousGuest
Well, you got my attention. Share more and I will attend to what you post.
You usually don’t post much, don’t share much. December of last year you shared: ” I remember one incidence on which I have no emotions – I did not cry nor get mad. I was completely numb. It was when my parents had a fight. My father hit my mom. I saw many blood on the floor as I approach my unconscious mom”.
It is that little girl who approached her unconscious mother who needs attention. She is numb because she doesn’t want to feel the fear she felt then, at that incident. And ever since, still afraid.
You have access to that little girl, talk kindly to her, gently. Show her that she is safe with you, safe. Be patient with her. Over time she will say more to you, share more. As she does, listen to her with empathy, let her know again and again that you will take good care of her.
The numbness will dissipate over time, the feelings will come back. You will be able to endure them. Life will be different then.
anitaOctober 22, 2017 at 4:58 pm #174251
Thank you. As I read your comment anita, tears comes down through my face. I didn’t know that that incident can affect me this much. I’ve been jumping relationship to relationship, seeking attention and love. I never thought this could sabotage my mental health. it’s been a long, long time ago. How can I access to her? How can I talk to that little girl?October 22, 2017 at 8:00 pm #174261
It is so hard for me to open up here knowing anybody can know what are my thoughts and feelings. I don’t share that much even to my closest friend. But, I really wanted to share it to you anita, it seems like since last year, you the only (by far) that can understand me. Maybe thru email? can I? I am afraid to be judge and criticize, although i know people here are kind and understanding.October 23, 2017 at 10:44 am #174415AnonymousGuest
The experience of childhood that you described is very scary for a child. I can’t imagine any that is scarier. It doesn’t matter how much time passes, it scared that little girl and she is still part of you, that little girl. To access her, best done in quality psychotherapy, in the safe context of therapy.
I understand your fear of being judged and criticized. On the other hand, a long time ago, I gave my email address to a few members on the site. The communication that followed was not helpful to me or to them. I have learned my lesson then and I do not do again what did not work well in the past.
I assure you that I will not judge or criticize you here. I will make sure of it. And so, what you can do, if you so choose, is only read my replies to you, my posts. Maybe another member replies and if you choose, when you do, you can read the first sentence or so and figure out if you want to read further. Or not at all.
I hope you post again, maybe share in small portions. It is your choice.
anitaOctober 23, 2017 at 10:45 am #174417AnonymousGuest
* did not get submitted correctly…October 23, 2017 at 5:11 pm #174489
I see and I totally understand. It’s okay anita. You help me realize something – that’s more than enough for me. Knowing that there is something that I must fix for myself. Everyday is a learning process. I really appreciate your efforts. I am quite shock you remembered me. Even that, thank you for giving me your attention that I need. 🙂October 24, 2017 at 7:53 am #174573AnonymousGuest
You are very welcome. Post again anytime, my offer above stands.
anitaOctober 27, 2017 at 9:51 pm #175301quackingphilosopherParticipant
Thank you for being vulnerable and talking about your insecurity. It touches my heart that you yearn to change to become someone better! I really respect that.
The thing is, wanting to stop attracting attention is not a mentality you can completely change in a day or two. It takes time and your own resilience to change it. Don’t put yourself too much stress on changing your entire personality in a couple of weeks, because that is definitely not enough.
Practise changing your mindset whenever you feel like attracting attention. The more you practise not trying to gain attention from others, one day I’m sure you’ll be freed from the superficiality of attention.
All the best in pursuing the dream you!