TeaK,

Thank you! I completely agree with everything you are saying. One thing I do know about myself – I fight change. I think maybe someplace deep down, I KNOW me fixing myself and changing for the better WILL change everything around me. The truth is, there are times I even drink with my spouse as a way of giving in because I’m always fighting about my spouses drinking and how it effects our household and my spouses child. I know the situation is toxic. I know I don’t want this for myself. I know my spouse doesn’t care to stop because he does gets like me so he doesn’t have a problem. But it’s a problem because i see how he misses work and goes on three day drinking missions. Or how he neglects his responsibilities because of drinking. Ugh – this is all such a mess.

I am so glad I reached out today.

Also, I will be attending a meeting later today.

I have spoke with a therapist and they believe if I have to admit I have a problem then maybe they need to look at themselves as having a problem. Which a family and friends + spouse have drug and drinking problems. Far more then I but I’m pointing fingers.

I think you’re right, maybe, I do need to look further into this because I use to be a fun person when I drank.

I just dont want to do this to myself anymore. Who I become when i drink is NOT who I am. I feel that’s why others are so forgiving of me after this slip ups because they cannot believe how out of control of myself i am. I am embarrassed and ashamed and want help!