Hi Caroline, I have been there and I know how difficult it can be. I wish you a lot of strength.
Our past, belief, education affects us in unconscious way that we don’t control even with the best intention. That’s maybe what he is doing doing his best and at the same time dealing with previous pain…

After reading your post, I thought I would like to help you with the experience you are going through. Having been in a similar situation I know how the mind can be destructive. In my case I decided to follow what I thought was right to me, I couldn’t let what my mind was telling me be true. I asked myself for guidance because I was also feeling lost as to what to do.

My experience led me to some breakdown but at the same time I started to discover myself further. This I think is priceless. My advice would be to look inside you what your mind is telling you and be honest with you with what you want. What I noticed in my case is that what I was asking deep within was to understand what love is and to get rid of the pain I was resisting inside more than the end result. It hasn’t been easy to figure this out, to challenge my securities and I hit some walls. It is a process.

Life at the same time has shown me that everything can change in a minute and we should not hold on the future. I have trouble still dealing with my own expectations but this experience has helped to be closer to myself and understand me better. I have been holding a lot on the past and lately this website quizz helped me to understand it. Maybe you taking it would help you too.
Don’t let your mind make you feel unworthy. I don’t know how familiar you are with meditation, mindfulness but that could maybe be a first step for you to conquer your mind. Take this year to be closer to you and to learn to be happy wherever you are. This can start by doing little things for yourself at the same time of doing what you think is right with your relationship.

What you are doing is for yourself and you’ll find your happiness with the results whatever they are. Don’t forget the solution is inside you and to face what you are facing is the way to love you and him. The message in the following quote from Rumi helped me and I hope it will help you too:
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”