Hello, well done for seeing this heart ache as an opportunity for self-growth. Breakups are tough they hurt, they make us ruminate about the past, our ego suffers, all the sad feelings you feel are normal but won’t last forever. It’s during these moments that I’ve learnt most about myself, my needs and wants and realise that happiness is only really something we can find within ourselves. While I don’t recommend dwelling on the past but maybe some reflection on why it didn’t work out will help you to let go more easily? To do this it may require learning more about yourself, do you have a hobby that you love? Do you have a project to keep you busy? Are you into travelling? Seeing new places is a great way to expand the soul. Meditation is really a good way to tune in to your inner desires and find internal peace. It does take time to heal but you will heal exactly when you have learnt/done what you have to if that makes sense. Good luck on your journey!

I think the feelings that you feel are normal. You spent some time with this man, emotionally invested in him and now he is no longer in your life and because of how he treated you there is lingering resentment. You seem very aware of what you’re feeling which I think is a good sign. The fact that you can see what you feel as ‘anger’ is important, and hopefully will not cause you do any more damage to yourself by externalizing the behaviour (sleeping with others, alcohol abuse etc).

Be kind to yourself and recognise that you’re mourning. Treat the physical sensations you are feeling. You say you have pain in your stomach is it possible to get a massuse to massage the area? Maybe light exercise such as yoga or swimming may help. Do you write, draw or paint? Failing that you could try a boxing class! Or it might be worthwhile to talk to a therapist or counsellor? Journal what you are feeling, maybe write an angry letter but do not send it to him. I had a whole week off during my last break up where I just cried. I read somewhere that the healing is in the aching.

It won’t help to see him again, an apology from a manipulative person means nothing, that’s if this person can even feel guilt, concentrate on your own wellbeing! Carry on with normal activities as much as you can, and try and eat and sleep well. I hope the pain goes away!

Hi David,

Sorry to hear about the pain you are currently feeling. I think that it didn’t help that your adventure was cancelled so it seemed that she moved on with her life, got to experience a new culture, meet new people, and you didn’t. Is it possible to plan some kind of similiar project in the future? Even if you did get back together maybe you will be always wondering about this adventure that you didn’t have. Now that you are single and uncommitted it’s the perfect opportunity to travel abroad and open yourself up to new people.

With regards to your ex getting in contact again, I did the same when I broke up with my ex. I contacted him around 4 months breaking up with him. The main motivation was the guilt I felt for breaking up and realizing how deeply I felt for him (though I didn’t want to get back together with him). For some reason it took me a while for these feelings to hit me as I guess I was enjoying my new found freedom. The situation with your ex might be different. Anyway my ex told me that we couldn’t be friends. And that was that, we both moved on. Even if you got back together again, do you really think you could trust her? It wouldn’t be the same as it was before. I know it’s hard but like others say No contact is best strategy for you to move forward. It may not feel like it now, but the pain will lessen with time.