Joe:

So sorry to hear of your feelings of hurt and exclusion. But I disagree with Anita and hope you will find a middle path between hurt-ignored and total shut down.

I felt compelled to write because I’m so much in a similar setting, feeling excluded from family. Rather than foster those feelings of hurt and anger (which can go on for years, believe me!), I’m opting to create my own family. I’ve never been a big fan of “blood is thicker than water”, especially when there is so much dysfunction going on. I’ve got a couple of crazy friends, several colleagues whose company I enjoy, and I’ve got a surprisingly supportive group of folk from my line dance class (go figure!) who come to all my performances (I’m a pianist). I intend to find the rest of my tribe — young, old, black, white, fun, serious.

I hope you’ll do the same. Think of bigger love that’s out there waiting for you instead of simmering about love that’s mangled or missing. Talk it over with someone who cares about you, then send a polite, short email to your sister and her fiance indicating you won’t be in attendance, but you wish them all the luck in the world. Then go find YOUR world.

Love, Phyllis