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May 8, 2016 at 8:21 pm in reply to: How do I tell my sister I don't want to go to her wedding? #103994pc8116Participant
Joe:
So sorry to hear of your feelings of hurt and exclusion. But I disagree with Anita and hope you will find a middle path between hurt-ignored and total shut down.
I felt compelled to write because I’m so much in a similar setting, feeling excluded from family. Rather than foster those feelings of hurt and anger (which can go on for years, believe me!), I’m opting to create my own family. I’ve never been a big fan of “blood is thicker than water”, especially when there is so much dysfunction going on. I’ve got a couple of crazy friends, several colleagues whose company I enjoy, and I’ve got a surprisingly supportive group of folk from my line dance class (go figure!) who come to all my performances (I’m a pianist). I intend to find the rest of my tribe — young, old, black, white, fun, serious.
I hope you’ll do the same. Think of bigger love that’s out there waiting for you instead of simmering about love that’s mangled or missing. Talk it over with someone who cares about you, then send a polite, short email to your sister and her fiance indicating you won’t be in attendance, but you wish them all the luck in the world. Then go find YOUR world.
Love, Phyllis
pc8116ParticipantCrystal, I recognize similar feelings and I share your sorrow. I’m proud of how you’ve made an effort to find the whole you, to accept yourself in this time and this space. The ebb and flow of being lonely at its lowest can bruise the spirit. I’m not sure of your social activities, but can only suggest you start perhaps by moving out and about town with groups of people. Someone’s bound to notice your smile, your sense of humor, your perfume, you. Perhaps meetup.com with it’s many, many activities will have a group or two that includes mixed male/female settings — from book reviews to painting and bring your own wine. I’m sending you a virtual hug and wishing you the very best. Think of your new year and your new life starting — right now.
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