Trying to move on. Died on the 10th, birthday on the 12th, now it’s fathers day. Throwing myself into fitness and gone back to work. Been calling him a few times, and I dunno if it was my head trying to cope but one time the hairs on me stood up, skin felt cold and I felt something near me for an hour or so, more when I was at his room but it also came to me when sitting down away from his room. Also we watch NHL playoffs and when the Oilers won game 4 I heard a “whoohoo” in my head, took me 6 seconds to react to it. He’s cheering for Oilers, I am for Panthers. Probably all in my head.

So he went to hospice on Sunday May 25th, he started declining extremly fast and was crying asking to die because he was in so much pain even with all the hospice drugs going through him, he doesn’t wanna live anymore. Wants to do MAID, wont be until Friday but he wants to die like right now, he can’t take the pain anymore. So instead of MAID they put him on pallitive sedation, he’s out cold now with no pain and sleeping and will pass away I am guessing in a few days in his sleep (he always wanted to die in his sleep even before he had cancer if he was to die). If he knows you and you talk firmly to him even though he’s sleeping he will still look your way and try say something even though he’s in lala land, but he still hears you subconsciously. Looked like he wanted to say something to me and the rest of the family but nothing came out, he was still sleeping. I support any decision he wants to end his suffering and I was there until nearly 5AM. Before they sedated him I told him I loved him and I am sorry for anything I did to him that made him mad, he said he loves me, forever. I’ll still keep my job, pops and uncles request.

Hey anita, dad is almost at deaths door now. He’s on home care 3 times a day 7 days a week, they can’t believe the pain he’s in and feel bad and everyone tells me what a great job I have been doing for him. He’s going to die here at home, although he and my uncle don’t want me to see him pass here but he wants to stay here as long as possible and if I say anything to make him go to hospital or hospice he will never talk to me again or allow me to see him, which took me by surprise after everything I have done for him. :/ Anyway, just wanted to update you.

Anita – He’s still in hospital right now. I’ll move on eventually, I pretty much have no choice. I got many plans I wanna conqueror. Dad is starting to eat more finally, so there is that.

Roberta – I just mean I wanna make money and get fit. I don’t need to be rich but as a poor man having no money kinda sucks. If I had money I could easily take better care of my dad and people in my life better. Sorry about your mother.

Anita – I’m fine. There was this woman that says she wants me but 99% of the time I call her on her request she ignores it and never calls me back and has some BS excuse ready when we see eachother. Wasting my time…oh well, I just wanted to hit it and quit it anyway.

Hey anita, so my dad’s got stage 4 rectal cancer, liver cancer, spleen cancer, bone cancer, lung cancer and a giant mass inside him. Basically he’s done for. He had a mega dose of ratiation (5 days instead of 6 weeks), been in the hospital for a couple of weeks, did his will, etc etc. I been pretty devistated to say the least. I dunno what I am going to do without him…they say he has a rare cancer that’s reached his tailbone  that only 3% of people get with bone cancer. So…this will be the last Xmas if he somehow makes it.

I already lost my aunt this year, now my dad. It’s quite…tough times as this forum calls itself. I visit him a couple hours every day.

Thanks. I mostly take care of pops or keep updated in the AI world. One day it will cure all disease and cancer would be just a bad memory for everyone and we will live longer with our own personal doctors. Assuming an afterlife exists we could maybe make video or audio calls talking to the deceased.

anita, Naw didn’t delete just left abandoned. I’m just at home on holiday, first holiday in like 4 years. How have you been?

Helcat, Thank you for your words. I’m not finding it that difficult to take care of him, as long as I don’t need to change him or wipe his ostomy bag for him. I’m good with just taking 2 weeks off, I am heling him get out of debt so I will need to refill my bank account again. He said when the time comes he will go to hospice at the hospital so he can have professionals take care of him.