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Jenna

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  • #112008
    Jenna
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    Si, the words were not hurtful at all and were very much appreciated. Your recent comments brought some peace to my tumultuous mind, but I still hope to keep things somewhat the way they were. I hope we’re strong enough, and if we’re not…I hope I’m strong enough to walk away or be able to transition into the new ‘us’. I’m not sure I can be that strong, to be honest. Today has been difficult, as are most days. We see each other daily at work. We carpool home…The fact that I can’t separate myself from him sometimes is painful, but we still laugh together, work civilly, and are trying to get somewhere with something. He kissed my cheek today when I dropped him off and has been texting me periodically throughout the evening. I’m not sure what’s happening, and I’m not being optimistic. Well, at least I can try and convince myself I’m not. Some days he pushes me away, and others it’s almost as if he’s afraid to actually touch or kiss me the way he wants. It’s sad and exhausting, and I don’t want our relationship to deteriorate into that abyss. I can’t walk away though…

    #111928
    Jenna
    Participant

    Si, your words were definitely a bitter pill to swallow, but I do think you’re right. Things won’t ever be the same, and I think that’s where I’m having the most of my issues. I can’t compartmentalize what was and what is. I can’t transition BACK because it no longer exists. This unfamiliar and painful growing stage of a new OLD relationship is uncharted territory for me. I’m terrified that I’m going to lose everything in the process because I have no idea how to navigate it. I do know that I’m doing poorly at the moment, though. I hope things will get easier, but I fear it will go the way of your friendship, and he will become just an old friend…

    Anita, we have a very unprofessional work environment. It’s extremely frustrating at times. I myself, was victim to bullying though it was by a supervisor and not my peers so I don’t think it was as ostracizing as what she experienced. I never partook in the abuse and tried my best to remain neutral if anything because she was in fact, his girlfriend at the time. I’ve always had a difficult time forming friendships with women, and since high school, the majority of my friends have been male. That being said, I never had the bond that I have with my friend now. I was NEVER afraid I was going to fall in love with them or wreck a relationship. Your reply made me smile and made me sad. The story goes so much deeper, and I hope it will continue.

    Again, thank you both so very much for your wisdom.

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