Thanks so much for your reply, i’m really glad you said that.
I’m not sure if it’s BPD. I know I have bipolar disorder (or I was diagnosed as such) and I definitely have aspergers syndrome, but BPD is something I never considered before.

I will look into it.
I just want to be able to move past what I’ve done. I’ve had a few mess ups and thrown words of hatred at the people these past few weeks, it was stupid, I’m a fool who can’t control myself and I feel like I have a handle on things sometimes…then I just..lose control and want to lash out at everything. I feel like I’m not allowed to be angry because I’m an evil monster and every action I do is evil…but then I SEE others doing things like I do–worse even–and they act like they are justified and I feel SO mad.

I read some of what you linked and I feel you on some parts, on others I know I have a handle on myself. I used to self harm and I stopped after an intense round of therapy for 5 years. I haven’t cut for at least 2 years? And even then if I did it would be once every few months or so. Now I don’t even feel like doing it.
I’ve had a lot of breakthroughs with myself, personal ones. I’ve grown in some ways…I feel like I’m still the same in others.

It’s nice to know some people know what I’m going through. I do feel scared and alone sometimes then I feel independent other times. The biggest thing is the relationships with others thing. That’s very true for me, I have hard times with friends. I just get…so possessive but I’m not obsessed…I just think I’m loyal and loving. I don’t want to go into bad territory and hurt others. It’s not my intention to create hatred or anger. It just happens.