@papioman

“I supported the ethos of the company wholeheartedly, the people were lovely, but I ended up being quite overwhelmed during training. I could not take anything in. It felt as though someone had poured cement in my brain. On top of this, I was socially crippled. I was anxious to the point that I could not interact with anyone at my new workplace. Could not make small talk. Could not “connect” with anything or anyone. I would be given instructions that would, pretty much instantly, go completely over my head. Even basic organisation was immensely difficult. However accommodating the company was, I just could NOT function.”

I just want to add, I guess I felt the same overwhelm when I was in college. Our situation could be different but I know how it feels to completely FREEZE. Later I figured the sources after I spent about 3 years staying at home, just being with me patiently. Now the defensive layers have been peeled quite many of them (and so now less anxiety).. and the need for absolute independence I wrote before is probably the most stubborn of all. But in my case, I intuit that every voice inside should be honored & listened.

“If I travelled, would teaching abroad be a valid career move? Would I return to the UK and be in an even worse position?”

This could be your break but if I were you I’ll also prioritize my ‘inner health’. Something(s) inside you clearly don’t want to do the thing you aspire to (= conflict = freeze). You want to a job, but you can’t function once you got one. And so getting a new job abroad doesn’t guarantee if you’ll finally function out there. Your body could ‘betray’ you again.

Good luck on your journey though.