<p style=”text-align: left;”>[quote quote=438537]Years later, I realized that I wouldn’t know if they looked at me or not, because in their presence, whenever there was a chance that they may look at me, I reacted by looking away, avoiding the possibility of eye contact (I was too shy). On their end, the teenage boys, if they see a girl looking away, they assume she is not interested. On the other hand, if they see a girl looking at them, making eye contact and smiling, talking or behaving flirtatiously.. that’s an invitation to be approached. I think that this is true in regard to being approached at any age, not just teenage. anita[/quote]</p>
Hi, Anita. Thank you for your contribution. I’d be lying if I said I don’t try to avoid seeking the attention of potential suitors when going out. I just feel that after so much time expecting and getting nothing, it’s not worth it anymore. Also, I feel like when it comes to other girls, men make an effort to get their attention when they’re interested, but they only ignore me. For example, I don’t see other girls flirting as often (at least not intentionally), and yet there is always someone interested in them, to the point that they are surprised or even annoyed by so many unintentional suitors.

[quote quote=438539]I don’t agree that going on dates is necessarily common these days. Going on dates is more for people who are actively boyfriend and girlfriend. Dating culture these days is centred around hooking up without being officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It is actually harder to find someone who does want to date officially[/quote]

Hi, Helcat! You’re absolutely correct. By the way, I’m from Brazil, and even here, I feel that most people today go out without any commitment. Still, it’s not uncommon for me to hear girls my age, older, and even younger talking about being invited on dates by men that are really interested in them (although some of them are only interested in hookups). Although I’m not interested in going out just for casual encounters, I still feel it would be nice to be invited sometimes, as my invisibility to men makes me feel inferior to other women.

 
<p style=”text-align: center;”>[quote quote=438539]Namely, parties. Do you go to many parties? Approaches there will be people trying to hook up. Otherwise, it generally takes a while for people to express an interest. Do you have many single male friends? […] When I say that dating is difficult these days. I mean it. It took a long time for me to find someone who actually wanted to officially date instead of just hooking up.[/quote]</p>
I don’t usually go to parties. In fact, I’ve never been to one. I also don’t have male friends. In my experience, I don’t feel that most people (especially men) are open to making friends with me. I can’t deny that I’m a shy and closed-off person; I believe that affects me, but I’m not sure if it’s enough to be constantly invisible without generating any kind of attraction in someone, especially since I see other shy and introverted people being successful sometimes.

I hadn’t really reflected on how the dating scene is generally difficult these days. I agree with you that our current culture encourages casual relationships much more, making it harder to find someone serious. I feel that my biggest difficulty is getting any kind of initial connection that would allow me to start that journey, even if it ended up failing.

My first kiss, for example, only happened when I was 22 with someone I met online. I feel that if that hadn’t occurred (meeting that person online), I still wouldn’t have kissed anyone, because in the real world, I can’t make any kind of approach. Because of that, I tried online dating again, but as I mentioned in my first post, I failed, and it seems like it’s because of my looks, which made me feel a lot more insecure.

Thank you for the responses, everyone. I don’t know how to use the forum very well (I just arrived), but it was great to hear other perspectives.

I have to admit that my negative feelings about myself have been hard to deal with, but I will try to think about what you all said.

Dear Anita, regarding my relationship with dating apps: I only used them once and had that negative experience. However, my experiences have been exclusively negative in the real world as well, which makes it difficult to keep hope.