Hi bellamoon –

There are some possibilities for what you need to learn from this experience.

But it can be tricky to figure out.

Certainly on some level, a loving relationship requires we care about our partner’s inadequacies and want to help them fix things..

But, a line has to be drawn when we are sucked into someone else’s problems, to the point where we cannot even discern if we have a true love for them, or are simply satiating some need to be a “savior” for a person who has no interest in truly growing.. and it sounds like this is something you are feeling some frustration with. Is this a dynamic you’ve seen play out in your past relationships? If so, you might examine why it is you have a need to be “needed.”

It does sound to me from your post that you have an otherwise healthy relationship with your boyfriend, that the good outweighs the bad. This is good news.

Of course, only you truly know the answer. Only you can decide if the pain of when he is isolating is worth the joy of when he is feeling good. Only you know if his lack of interest in self development is enough to send you packing, or if he is worth sticking it out for.

Maybe his isolating is what truly bothers you moreso than the depression and lack of growth itself– because he is not reaching out for your support! It sounds like you care a lot for your boyfriend and are more than happy to be there for him when he’s in pain.. but you lose the ability to do so when he is refusing to interact. It takes away your opportunity to show how concerned, caring, loving you can be. That can really hurt.

You might examine whether you feel more comfortable in relationships with people who are somewhat emotionally distant, and if so, why.

Just trying to throw some thoughts out there to ponder as you search for the message in this experience..

🙂

All the best,
L.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 9 months ago by Lorraine.