Well, if it only makes you feel any better, in the last one year, I’ve lost the closest friends… some since 30 years… family and husband. I’ve withdrawn myself from people and most social places. I guess everyone hates me.

Sometimes I wonder how I was able to pull off such a feat since I’ve been a people pleaser all my life… all I wanted to do was love and care for others and felt that somehow they were indifferent. But the problem was or is I think now is that all my life… I mean since childhood… being neglected and not loved by my parents, I tried to find love outside. But I forgot to love myself, take care of myself.

So without boring you, I’d say forget the people for the time being. I know it’s difficult. But just be there for yourself, love and care for yourself and this behavior will change… though not overnight. Any habit doesn’t go easily but when you are at peace with yourself, you’ll emit certain vibes that’ll attract new friends. The old ones may not come back as their judgement is clouded by previous actions so it’s better to wish them well and let them go. Just enjoy your company for a change. Take help from a few good books … not self help… but any nice book, thriller, biography or music, movies etc.

When you enjoy your own company people will do so too. There’s hope but a lot of pain and effort will go into it… but you’ll be fine in the end. You’ll survive and be a stronger person. Do a vipassana course and it may help you.