Your story of what you are going through right now and the past month sounds eerily like mine. I, too, lost a best friend, lover, companion although we were never officially a declared couple… still was and is a huge heartbreak in my life. I have been working on myself and my happiness/independence because I also felt like you…. devastated and a bit ashamed that I put that much happiness in someone else’s hands. It’s been 27 days for me and today is the 2nd day I haven’t cried since. I still miss him too. Immensely and I think of him a lot. I miss the friendship, his insight, etc. I think that these feelings will pass with time as we grow more. It is definitely weird to have been so intimate with someone and then nothing. But, everything is for a reason and we are building inner strength. Maybe with time (alot of time…) a friendship will be possible again. But my doctor told me that a loss takes 12-18 months to properly grieve so don’t beat yourself up over still thinking of him a month later. Continue working on yourself, I think you are doing great!