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Happy29

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • #384257
    Happy29
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thanks for asking. I sent the letter, using your advice and shortening what I had to say. I can’t say I feel good about it because I know this is going to be incredibly upsetting for her. She hasn’t replied but we just created a group for one of our best friends birthday present and she instantly left the group so I feel as though she may be distancing herself from everyone now. I will keep you updated if she replies.

    #384080
    Happy29
    Participant

    Thank you Anita!

    #384073
    Happy29
    Participant

    Thanks Anita, I feel very conflicted because it has always been ingrained that it is me who is the issue in our friendship, it’s my own problems with self esteem that lead me to feel resentment toward her. It has always been something I need to work on because she never gets angry or does anything maliciously hurtful, and anything she does do was not meant in the way I viewed it. I always end up apologising because I lash out as she will upset me and then it seems that it was always my fault and the issue that has upset me will be forgotten. I am constantly looking for validation for the way I feel, because I don’t know why I feel such a strong dislike toward her. I feel like I still want to say I am the problem and I’m sorry I’m jealous of how perfect you are, I’m so mean to you because I’m unhappy. Isn’t that ridiculous? But I will definitely rewrite the letter in a more assertive manner, I think the way you have worded it is kind of perfect so I hope you don’t mind if I use it in some way or another!

    Thanks so much again, you’re insight is incredibly helpful.

    #384003
    Happy29
    Participant

    Thanks Anita, I won’t write the whole letter out because it is quite long.

    Just in short, I have written, “I have been feeling quite distant, sorry for not replying to your messages… I feel there is a dynamic where I bare all to you – often due to mental health issues – which you have always been supportive of. Sometimes I feel this is not reciprocated, hearing how well everything is going for you, often I feel worse after our conversations (*have said how proud of her I am for how well she’s doing). I find this draining. I feel like maybe you don’t trust me enough to tell me this part of yourself. I feel like a charity case and inferior to you because your life always seems perfect. I do not want to attack you. *Have then said about dishonesty to do with her dad. I need authenticity and connection and this comes with baring all to the person, the good, the bad and the ugly. I know we are all trying our best, we have just become different people who need different things from our lives and relationships, this is why I am taking a step back from our friendship. I don’t like how I’ve treated you because I’ve been upset. I do love you, you’ve been a good friend over the years, I just need some time apart.”

    I think if I go to into detail it will be an attack and I don’t want to upset her so I’ve written the main upset on my part. Do you think this is too harsh?

    Thanks so much again!

    Alice x

    #383986
    Happy29
    Participant

    Thanks so much for your help Anita. I have written her a letter and I’m just wondering whether I will send it.

    #383629
    Happy29
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

     

    Thanks for you’re reply and what a great question to be honest. It’s very difficult to tell, I think one of the main problems is she has always been in a superior position to me in her life and I’ve always had problems (which she definitely but never tells me about it). I think it suits her that she’s in a position of superiority, I’m not sure she would intentionally see herself as superior. I think she likes to see herself as an amazing person, her job is to save the planet from climate change and she likes to tell people this so me having issues is another thing for her to charity. She is a really lovely person which is why these feelings are so difficult, am I just jealous? I just don’t think I would feel this unhappy with her friendship if it was OK. Also just to add on, her parents had me over for dinner the other night and her dad asked me ‘is your mum still really stressed?’ – bearing in mind, my mum raised to terrible teens by herself with millie staying over every night – I said this to him and he replied ‘I bet she’s still stressed’. I think that really cemented that he thinks they are better than us, my mum is a stressed out person but don’t talk to me about it when I’ve seen him almost punch his daughter because she was an awful teenager too! Sorry Anita I just haven’t written this all down and now I’m venting!

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)