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Ray

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  • #320653

    Ray
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    @anita

    It’s honestly not as simple as that, and it’s a “her” by the way. We’ve been “besties” since high school, and it’s instances from then that I cling on to that make my end of the relationship with her a love/hate one.

    She’s not constantly abrasive, but the moments she was I didn’t defend myself adequately, so it’s actually disappoinment in myself for not having my own back.

    What she thinks of me or the reason why she thinks she can do certain things, I don’t know and I don’t care, that’s her business. On the account of the example I have you, I honestly can’t just fall off the radar because there’s history. Dealingwith somemeone who you’ve also had good moments with is difficult because there’s the fear of what she’ll think of me when I start standing up to her..
    I wonder sometimes… If I had the necessary skills then, would she even be in my life now? Part of me says no….I feel so discompassionate right now, ha ha

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 4 days ago by  Ray.
    #319165

    Ray
    Participant

    @priyanka “I am my best version when I am myself.” I love that! I’m going to turn this into an affirmation! I hope you feel a lot better knowing you’re not alone. Yes, several here have expressed the benefits of journaling and I am currently maintaining that. Thank you so much for you input, I truly appreciate your advice!

    @anita I love your advice on depending on myself to protect myself and be the one to bring about positive changes in my life. This really helps strengthen my idea that all the best resources are within me. Wow, I’m really going to meditate on this point later.</p>
    For the assertiveness, I’ll give you an example that has already happened. I have a “friend” of mine that can be very argumentative, haughty, and hypocritical at times at the expense of humiliating me.

     

    So let’s say in a scenario she texts me, “Hey, I’m back from school for three days. On Saturday me and X are going to a party. Come with us!”

    Then I’ll say, “Nah, I don’t feel like going to a party. I’d rather stay home.”

    Then “friend” would say something like, “And do what? Stay home and be lazy like always? You’re coming.”

    And here is where I’ll unassertively squirm my way out….

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks, 6 days ago by  Ray.
    #318297

    Ray
    Participant

    Thanks, Peggy! All the best to you too!

    @anita: Yes, my therapist says my OCD is completely “managed’ at this point. I even gave it a name throughout therapy, I called my OCD “Bob”. She told me to give it a loser name, ha ha. But I’m glad to hear your OCD has been treated well too. Glad you’re still interested in talking, you seem like a very wise person! Feel free to talk to me whenever you want about things also!

    Right now, I have another issue. Since I’m a college graduation, the fear of not getting a job has been pressing down on me for quite a while. After graduation, my certainty and confidence in my skills has been severely threatened  (quite normal for lots of graduates) and I’m even embarrassed to say I even resorted to attempting “spiritual” practices like Law of Attraction because it promises your “heart’s desire”. I need to be honest with myself and say uncertainty is a really uncomfortable feeling.

    How would you deal with this, Anita? Have you been in this situation before?

    #317359

    Ray
    Participant

    Hey, Everyone!

    Yes! I just started journaling again! I haven’t done so in a while that there are some issues “backed up” that would turn into an essay in one sitting! Thank you Peggy and Aiko for the advice on journaling.

    On the assertiveness, I’ll have to practice on that because like you say, Anita, it’s a skill not a trait, it’s just a matter of finding the perfect balance between grace and respectfulness, and being stern and confident. Blowing up doesn’t get me what I want, being “in the grey” so to say with aggression and passivity is the best area for me or anybody to respond better to your feelings.

    And Aiko I love the idea of modeling someone who I want to emulate when it comes to their assertiveness!

    I express my deepest and most infinite gratitude to you, Peggy, Anita, and Aiko. All this advice is brilliant and I can’t wait to show my therapist!

    Peace be with all of you 🙂

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Ray.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by  Ray.
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