Now that was a long walk. I know I might look crazy, but I’m just working things out. I’m basically doing double days. One day overlaid on the next in a sort kinesiology tailored specifically for me. Its dealing with things that are no longer important to me.

I can know, and understand why she might be confused. I’m going through more since she spoke, and I couldn’t be happier. Apart from the double days, and not working. What I’m going through is as simple as the definition between learning, and teaching, and is simple enough to defeat by removing the hard drive component.

I feel bad I made her lift her head to look me in the eyes the first time I saw her. I can’t forget her.

I just realized I fell for a pole cat.

I know my faults do not come from the teachers. It was a learning tool long before it was a tool used to be able to spy on its wielder. I just feel that whatever happened to me went too far. I might be going through a form of psychic ptsd from being pushed through my connection to the internet. My privacy has been raped, repeatedly for ten years or so. I’m tired of being watched by those who don’t know better.

I still feel bad about where they blame my teachers. Weird.

Another piece of the reason I chose her is because she said what I needed to hear.

Its a piece that I couldn’t understand when I was there on Canada’s 150th. A student, and possible friend was trying to help me, as well. Its strange how all I could say was “I remember you”, to her. I was nearly hit by a Streetcar just a minute or two before by a TTC driver who nearly ran a redlight.

Again I couldn’t say anything to her, The Mysterious Woman, or Her Friend. I was at my breaking point again, and I know it’ll sound stupid why. The student, and possible friend was someone I blew off 5 years earlier during Canada Day. I could see how there was a blockage in her emotions, and it caused an echo within me. Back then, she had a fiance. Today, I couldn’t say if they were still together or not.

Today, I’m thinking of another student in the same school, and a woman who got the wrong idea about a news paper I doodled on. They were both incredibly sweet to me. I must’ve been wrong in leaving that newspaper there.

Now there are a few times some of her people have helped too. I know someone saw me dowse with an empty redbull can underground to try find a way. Go figure how I got a two pointed triangulation. It even sounds wacky to me.

I guess I just want to see her smile at me again. Now I might go have a glass of Absinthe, because she knows.

It just occured to me how thouroughly I’ve been meditating, but not on mindfulness. I’ve been using a self taught yoga meditation. Its been a very helpful tool while my concussion damage healed. There are a bit of left over concepts to digest, but the majority of them have been sorted out. Namely, the woman who stole my heart. In the last five months, my short term memory holes, have been strengthened by my overpowered long term memory. Now comes the arduous task of finding her again, based on her words, and a vision of her eyes, and lips. Those words I hold dear won’t be repeated by me, and are safe in her hands.

Sleepless night’s are strange. I mean after working outdoors for 12 hours, I should be in dreamland. I find that I drift from emotion to emotion in my musings. I could feel a release into sleep from my love, and a few pleasant thoughts. I could even sense a shift into worry over something I couldn’t see, and my emotions shifted further. A lot farther, from this point in time. I thought of an old friend who in her sleep clenched her hands. Its strange to consider that she might’ve been thinking of me while getting ready for work. If that doesn’t fry your noodle, then this next one should. I think a tree I knocked over earlier is being gnawed on by a beaver. I’m told they eat the bark to fatten up for winter.

Now, however I need to try get some more sleep. The noodle remark, though quickly typed has stirred up a sadness. Maybe, I’ll listen to some chilledcow to help me sleep.