I find myself thinking of my new profile picture, and find I would like to have someone relaxing beside me in warmer temperatures. Winter, and Christmas will be interesting though. Its going to be funny to find out how hard it is to learn to use snowshoes.

I’m even trying to figure out how the profile picture makes me feel connected, and seen by the object of my new affection. Yes, the woman who stole my heart by saying those words I needed to hear has somehow seen it. No tears in her eyes now, and that makes me happy.

A friend of mine once told me of her classroom pet, a hedgehog named Lychee, and how it took a good 15 minutes to get him to relax after class. This concept seems to be my way, however I can sense through my empathy when someone is digging through my past in an attempt to dissect a dream that wasn’t theirs to understand. In truth I’m relaxed, and get prickly when I understand everything is pointed at me simply out of curiosity. I see an each of my life in front of my eyes, and it holds a frightening understanding. For me, paranoia seems to travel through my life backwards till an understanding is reached.

Completely turned around, the whole concept reveals my dream for what it was, a twisting of what was perceived. I worried I wouldn’t see my love again, and in doing so I missed my chance. My dream, fits together so perfectly and uniformly that I have a hard time understanding why I had two dreams at the same time, and what I experience, and see on a daily basis. My love is still there, and at times I can almost sense the tears well up in her eyes as she begins to understand. Every time I think of her I see the tears, and it tears me up inside. A cruel dream brought about by hate, and a desire to control an unknown idea.

My friend would understand my hesitation, and my love would cry if she knew why I hesitate. She seems too good to be true which caused a ravenous interest in those around me. Their question, what finally caused me to stir, and why? I can only see what I know to be true, and to honour these two ladies I must wait till I can soften my heart to calm their tears. I never would have thought I would so easily read lips, or get whipped. I know I’m probably starting to sound obsessed, and need to let things be. However I think I’ll stay quiet for a while with this comment.

Life is strange, and getting stranger. I want her to know I want to be there, but my path is taking me in a direction that may take some time to get back to her. Unless, however she wants to follow me down this unknown trail I seem to be conserving. My eye is set on helping those that feel trapped by what holds them back.

A sympathetic death is the smallest thing I can do for love. I reave the parts of myself that could allow such negativity to occur, and allow myself to fall to my nature. In doing so, the process begins to point out the guiding principles of my life, and I learn where I can change myself for my love. I see no need to worry over what my love does in the hollows I have opened, because she spoke her words with a strength, and love all her own.

I know my dreams sound strange,  but the truth is I can only see as far as I can understand. I see my dreams are many fold, and only she has gotten it right.

No depth tonight. Just surprised at my strange luck. I find it doesn’t help in the least, where love is concerned. I think I get the picture, and working toward love seems appropriate. So, I struggle against my love no longer.

A month for love, and all the words I can clarify. I can see the neat and orderly life that is required by her.My heart belongs to her words, and I hope mine reach her when she needs them.