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    Ok just a question Trusttheflow. I’ve read your post, others replies, your posts back…all the while as I’m reading this story I feel like there is something missing. Something , something doesn’t seem right. You have been seeing a guy whom I will guess you met randomly (btw I’m a guy which makes this even more interesting) and after 3 months he asked you to move in. All pretty normal so far. Then a few things…he an ex heroine/ with a chaser of meth, addict. Now he is only smoking pot. Pot…not really an issue. So I’m imagining the guy at this point. Picturing the scenario. Then the comment about a world out there you don’t know. Probably is. And then finally the kicker with the hoarding. The dum dum wrapper, was there at least a small portion of a dum dum inside? Lastly… You left because you were uncomfortable about something. He told you IF you did it was over. Well indeed he meant it, the topper being the pic of a gf in your bed.

    Ok my question… And you were attracted to ….WHAT about him? What am I missing. It seems like your pretty upset so what was it about this guy that made you border on going over to his dark side, from your ( from what it sounds like) clean, bright, respectable life. Is it the bad boy attraction?
    Someone above said he did you a favor… Ok that’s a bit of an understatement. He handed you you life back on a golden platter. You should be doing cartwheels all the way down your street screaming thank you God.

    Look at why you were attracted to him. Even the drugs, and the hoarding…those are a sickness. It can happen to good caring people. I know a few. BUT the picture he sent. That is classless, shows his vindictiveness and his piece of shit personality.

    I have been in bad breakups, in fact just finished a divorce. I’ve been so pissed off at my ex that I wanted to drive off a bridge(her with me of course). But …seriously my friend, he wanted to hurt you as bad as he could, he wanted you to feel pain and agony. Doesn’t this mean something to you?

    I wish you the best. I hope maybe a word or 2 May have made you stop and think.


    Courtney and Kate
    I think when we fall in love and get married with someone we automatically expect that the words *till death do us part* have meaning. After all, you fell in love with him for many reasons, and probably the most important was that you knew deep in your soul, each of you would be there for each other no matter what. Once or maybe twice in a lifetime we get lucky enough to find someone like this but when we realize we may have been wrong about them, it not only hurts because your losing all your hopes and dreams but maybe just as difficult to cope with is feeling like your soul was fooled, the part of you which lights up inside of you. This leaves you second guessing every intuition, feeling, or belief you have now, or in the past.
    Till death do us part means something different to some people. Maybe it should be changed to ” till death, or something I can’t handle because it is too hard, do us part.
    He loves you, but he loves himself more. This is the way it should be. We have to love ourselves more than anyone else, this is what enables us to have the capacity to give everything to our husband/ wife, when they get sick mentally or physically, when they need us the most.
    I’ve been through this. I stayed until death do us part, and in 2007 she left this world. I feel like it’s what everyone is suppose to do, I’m not special or deserve a medal of courage, it’s just what we do as human beings.
    Everything does happen for a reason, I firmly believe that. Your reason will appear soon enough. You deserve happiness, real happiness but sometimes you gotta shovel the shit out of the way to actually see it. Trust in yourself. RJ


    Hello Sunflower
    I just kind of fell into this site by chance today. At random I entered a few words in Google and in the list of choices was this Tiny Buddah site. Clicked it, read a bit and became a member in the forums. I don’t do this kind of thing, ever actually.
    This isn’t to say I don’t have my share of personal tragedies. I have had several which include the love of my life dying suddenly and leaving me and our 2 small children, to recently this past year losing my second wife of 5 years, this time due to not healing from my first loss.
    That being said, I know what loss, despair and anger are. I felt a lot of the things and still to this day feel the things you are afraid of, the fear.
    Maybe the fact that your post is the first I have read here is what compelled me to comment. Every random coincidence happens for a perfectly good reason I always say. Maybe something I say can help, maybe not.
    Because I don’t know you, or know your circumstances I think the best way to relate is by comparing yours fears to the same that I had, and still have. I hope I don’t ramble on about myself, I’ll try not to.

    I feel a bit frozen. What is difficult is that I know we both love and want one another. I know he wants it to work too, but is dealing with these big issues that he cannot bear.
    I have said the same thing, and I have actually believed it, but what does this mean ? We both love each other but….why is there a “but” always in these statements? What is stronger than ones love for another person? What “but” has overridden love? Maybe. – like I have realized, he/ she does love you, just not enough to overcome these “buts”.
    Of course this is what I tell myself, and it makes perfectly good sense, even though it really sucks.

    <Because I feel that I can clearly see a path and how we are great
    Yes same here, we are great together and we could have been awesome if only…. if only we would have done things differently in the past.
    Why doesn’t he/ she see this like I do ? How can they not get it. Don’t they remember the happy amazing times we have had? Don’t they know every day could be this way if we just stop, take a deep breath and start fresh? We can learn from our mistakes.
    I wish it worked, but I feel like it won’t, for the same reason they gave up originally. They don’t have it in them to want it as much as we do. Not with us, probably not with anyone who they get to this level with. They can’t.

    The night before my divorce after a year long separation with “V” she called me crying about what was about to happen the next morning at the courthouse downtown. It was actually a video call. She played songs which she said were ours and cried from one to the next. This, after not communicating for 8 months.
    The next morning we got divorced like nothing ever happened.
    Yes that was love, she loved me very very much. Just not enough to overcome her own fears. And there was nothing I could do.
    My best advice to you is to put yourself first. You sound like a very good caring person and you deserve to find true happiness and share it with someone who can accept it and in turn share theirs with you. He is out there, he’s waiting for you to find him.

    I hope a word or two has made you feel better or realized something that maybe you didn’t. I hope the best for you.


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