Forum Replies Created
January 6, 2014 at 8:55 pm #48567GeoffParticipant
I’m going to be honest with you lost, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You liked this girl, you wanted something serious and so of course you expected a commitment from her and the knowledge that she was with you and only you. This is what you wanted, and she couldn’t give it to you. End of story. Quit beating yourself up about how you should have done this or that. She demonstrated the kind of person she is by running off with some guy she barely knew, don’t you think that even if you did things differently and you guys stayed together longer that she wouldn’t have done the same thing farther down the line? And before that happened how many things would she have done behind your back?
I mean to be honest you should be glad that it happened when it did and not when you had way more of an emotional investment in this woman. You wanted her, but she wasn’t committed to you, you weren’t interested in just fooling around, you wanted something serious, she obviously didn’t, things happened as they should. I used to do the same thing your doing with girls in the past, I wanted something that wasn’t there. I used to beat myself up about how I should have done this or that differently. Eventually, I realized that I have wants and needs and those wants and needs didn’t match up with the other persons wants and needs.
You have to stand up for what you want and need in a relationship, I mean yes a lot of women are gorgeous and smart and wonderful to be around, but you can’t just throw yourself away in an effort to try to please them just so they stay in your life. If they don’t match your wants and needs, move on to the next one, no matter how beautiful or smart and don’t beat yourself up about it. Your happiness is what matters, and trust me keeping around a woman just because she is immensely beautiful or smart even though she isn’t satisfying your needs is one of the most unrewarding and draining things you could ever put yourself through. You’re basically giving everything to make it work while getting nothing you need in return.
I just got out of a situation myself with a women. I really liked her, and we got a long great, but eventually it became obvious that she was the type who said one thing and did another, the kind of girl who you had to fight for her attention, she’d say that I’m the only guy she really liked, but yet I’d have to fight for her attention away from other dudes when we went to the bar. I only saw her when she was drunk, but she always said she’d show me she was more then just some dumb drunk girl. I literally never saw her sober, only drunk. I repeatedly told her what I wanted and what I wasn’t going to put up with, that I wanted to hang out when she was sober and form a real connection, and she always agreed and said she wanted the same, but her words never matched her actions and it became clear that she was just going to keep acting this way and keep stringing me along while telling me what I wanted to hear so I’ll stay. She never committed to anything she told me, so I ended it. Then just a couple days later I was at the bar and she was there too, we both were drunk and once again this magnetism between us drew us together once again and she asked me why I ended things and I told her how I felt, she said she was sorry and that she really did like me and didn’t want things to end. We ended up going home together and by the end of the night she basically alluded to her wanting to be my girlfriend and so I told her I was down with that. Literally just two days later I show up at the bar and there she is drinking with some random guy and she greets me like some acquaintance and then precedes to ignore me for this other guy.
I told her to her face that we were done. I really liked her personality, and I was attracted to her but I wasn’t going to put up with that shit.
The point of the story is that actions speak louder then words, and you have to be willing to stick to your guns. Some of these girls (I’m sure guys do it to) don’t know what they want, they don’t know there place in the world, they are just looking to have fun and not take anything serious and they end up saying what you want to hear and seem like they really like you, but you can’t judge them on their words, only there actions.
Lost she proved herself through her actions, that’s it. Don’t blame yourself for anything. You went after what you wanted and didn’t get it from this girl so move on to the next one. The next girl you have in your life, make it clear what you’re looking for and if she wants the same thing, judge her by her actions and go from there. Don’t punish her for not doing what you want, that’s stupid, just move on until you find someone who wants what you want, only then can you form a relationship that satisfies both sides. Always stay true to yourself my friend.