It only a mistake if you don’t learn from the experience.

The “mistakes” you mentioned seem to come from a place of trying to do too much too quickly with an underling fear of not being perfect. I am a firm believer, having personal experiences that we create what we fear. Slow down, breath, create some space and you will find that you will become even more proficient at your job.

The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes ah, that is where the art resides. Artur Schnabel

“The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between them”. – Claude Debussy

Allow life to be music

Recommend the following book.
‘Stopping: How to Be Still When You Have to Keep Going’ by David Kundtz

Perfectionist – holding yourself to standards that you don’t hold others to… (some might experience that as arrogance) … we love others as we love ourselves… what are you saying about yourselves when you apply the label of perfectionist as a part of our being.

The One Thing You Need to Know to Overcome Perfectionism

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

We experience guilt when we know we did, or feel we have done, something wrong. When we are unsure we have done something wrong we experience something else. Discerning what that something else is, requires a great deal of discernment.

Guilt and shame sometimes go hand in hand; the same action may give rise to feelings of both shame and guilt, where the former reflects how we feel about ourselves and the latter involves an awareness that our actions have injured someone else. In other words, shame relates to self, guilt to others.

Sometimes I find it difficult to discern the difference to the feeling of guilt and shame. Often I think that undeserved feelings of quilt are really experienced as undeserved shame, and that the difference is important.

From what you wrote I think you may be experiencing undeserved shame.

Maybe it’s all semantics… however it seems to me you have taken on the responsibility of your father’s feelings and state of mind which has left you feeling bad (equating feeling bad with quilt) about who you are as a daughter and person. As this relates to how you feel about yourself that would be shame. An undeserved shame.

Anyway

I found the fallowing book helpful
‘Shame and Grace: Healing the Shame We Don’t Deserve’ by Lewis B. Smedes

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

sorry the guy is playing a game. Hes creating the continuations to force you to make the decision so that he can think of himself as the wronged misunderstood party. If life if a stage this is not the play you want to have a staring role in.

From what you wrote it is unlikely this guy will make your relationship a priority. Such men have to experience the pain of loss before they are ready for relationship.

That does not mean you should wait for him to learn as we teach people how to treat us. If he learns the lesson and you startup the relationship again he will back slid. This is the nature of Love, sometimes it requires we move on in order to learn the lessons it has for us.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

The profile picture you picked to represent yourself shows you have been able to maintain an eye and connection to beauty even you have yet to realize it as part of who you are.

Let the image of the rolling waves of love create the space for you to realize what is already present within.

Deep peace of the running wave to you.
Deep peace of the flowing air to you.
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.
Deep peace of the shining stars to you.
Deep peace of the gentle night to you.
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you.
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you,

Gaelic Blessing

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

I was thinking about what you wrote last night and an image come to mind of someone who was not just stuck but blocked. Not to be crude but the word that came to mind was constipated. Perhaps the difficulty in letting go of past experiences was in away leaving you mentally and or emotionally constipated.

I then saw an image of you as a freely running river, someone who was able to allow their experiences to move through them, taking in the nutritious parts of the experiences and expelling the rest. I know it’s odd.

Part of the practice of ‘alchemy’ required the alchemist to enter into the task they are performing. That as the various metals were melted so they could be purified they experienced the purification within themselves. I am a firm believer that when we enter into a physical practice of some kind in this manner we can transform our inner being as well. (I used ballroom dance)

This might sound strange but I wondered what might happen if you took some time by yourselves and tried one of those cleansing and detoxification programs while meditating on the process of letting go. That as you work on the physical you also work on the inner.

What might life be like if your memories could freely flow through you without them overly influencing your present?

I know it’s odd and I’m surprised I sharing these thoughts but what the hay, even if they just make you laugh, Nothing wrong with a good laugh.

Best wishes on your Journey.

I also can relate with the constant looping self-talk keeping me stuck in place. I suspect that as a graduate in philosophy you might have a tendency to overthink things.

The story of Cinderella comes to mind as this is a story about what to do when your suck and experiencing the time of ashes.

In the story Cinderella has lost contact with her mother and father. As an archetypal inner energy the Father provides protection, guidance, discipline while the Mother our ability to nurture and love ourselves. (We all need to become our “own mother and father” and learn to nurture, guide and protect our authentic selves. This is one of the tasks of becoming.)

In the story Cinderella is stuck with the step mother (negative self-talk) and so not able to nurture her authentic self. Even her creative possibilities, what she felt were her gifts seem to work against the self and become un-relatable. (Step sisters)

It is during this time that the task is to take care of the daily jobs required, to tend the garden, take out the trash. To do what you need and have to do as best you avoiding the temptation to over think, measure the experiences.

This creates the space for what could be called the numinous movement, the invitation to the ball. The time where without our trying to control the situation we have the experience, the “magical” moment, were all ones experiences come together with purpose, a glimpse of possibilities and dancing with life once more.

Here there may be a temptation to hold fast to such experience, stay to long, recreate them… but that will just leave you stuck in other ways. Such experiences are not meant to last but light the fire of inspiration.

The numinous experience awakens the time for the inner “prince” archetype. The time of action to seek out a connection to ones being and doing, feeling and thinking nature.

In time of ashes the story advises, as does many wisdom traditions, that we spend time doing the jobs required of us. Perhaps the kind of meditation practice of washing dishes, sweeping floors… without thinking of doing other things. A focus on the tasks and needs at hand without measurements or judgments that so easily leads to the negative step mother self-talk.

Create the space for possibility and glimpse of what might be and the time to act, to seek out the connection between your feeling and thinking nature and see what new possibility might then be born. Allow it to happen and Trust.

We become the stories we tell ourselves, so write a good one.

Checkout Kathryn Craft the author of ‘The Art of Falling’ website, her journey of writing is interesting.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.

If you have a activity you enjoy there is probably a group or club that you could join.

In the end if this is something you want you are just going to have to put yourself out their.

After having similar experiences and feelings I found that a great deal of it was influenced by the stories I was telling myself. I would constantly replay conversations and past memories of perceived failings, longing for do overs, if only, should have, could have, a consent stream of negative self-talk.

Of course I was aware of all the self-help advice to change the stories and think positive however I wasn’t able to do that.

Like you my attempt at meditation and positive thinking would end badly as I got overwhelmed by past memories and associated negative self-talk. Worse I added the failure of not being able to create a better story or positive thinking to the list to make myself feel worse. (It occurred to me that I might be addicted to feeling bad.)

I wasn’t able to replace the negative stories with positive thinking but wondered if I could just stop telling story’s in those moments.

I set the intention to noticed when I was telling my victim or villain stories and the stop. Instead of filling the space with analyses or “positive” thinking, I would take a breath and focus on doing what I was currently doing.

It was odd as I started to notice an empty space in which in which I could be a detached observer and better respond to the experience.

I had to be careful as I didn’t want to become detached from my experiences or feeling and become apathetic. It’s a difficult balance as the lure to detach fully from feeling is a temptation for me.

However by not filing every space with a stories, replays and analyses, positive or negative, it has helped in creating a space where it became possible be and not get lost in frantic inner reactions.

I still at times feel empty, lost and detached, dead to my experiences, however by stopping the self-talk and not filling the space in I am less likely during those times to use the experiences to spiral deeper into the pit, essentially beating myself up for beating myself up, for beating myself up, for feeling bad, for feeling bad, for feeling unhappy, for feeling unhappy….. (Which is what I was addicted to, feeling something by feeling bad about myself)

• This reply was modified 8 years, 2 months ago by Peter.