Hi there!

I too have been in your position of obsessive thinking. What helped me was to go to the very deepest root of the problem and to read about it. So after spending several years obsessively thinking about my future, any fears that I had, any relationship problems I experienced, anything I experienced that was out of my control (i.e. a customer yelled at me at work and I spent the rest of the day thinking about it angrily), I realized that FIRST of all, I had formed the habit out of anxiety and SECOND of all, I continued to fall back into this habit due to the very fact that it was a thinking HABIT. So the obsessive thinking began in childhood as a sort of ‘comfort’ that went hand in hand with my anxiety. I was constantly anticipating punishment or humiliation that was out of my control because I grew up in an abusive household. It was a sort of way to control what was happening in my life that was out of my control. Instead of turning to sports or extracurricular activities to relieve this stress and anxiety, my control/release took the form of obsessive-compulsive thoughts. Then, years later, I found myself obsessively thinking about things that didn’t even cause me much initial anxiety (such as the angry customer who yelled at me) because at that point it was simply a bad habit. I slowly broke out of it by reading more about it, by talking about it, and learning to understand why I was doing it. Then afterwards I tried meditation (a GREAT idea like what John said above me) and I also started talking myself out of those pesky thoughts in my head, as well as working them out on paper through writing in a journal. Exercise is another great way to break free of your OCD thoughts because it forces you to focus on something else and release stress. Those are the things that helped me. I rarely have OCD thoughts now today. I hope that you will give any of these methods a try or all of them if you can! I’ve found that a combination of these methods is even better than just one. But remember to take baby steps and treat yourself kindly. Good luck!

-Reeva

There is no way to be fearless. But there are many ways to be strong in the face of adversity. I grew up beneath the strict rule of an emotionally unstable parent who criticized me heavily, forced me to stay in the home, and ignored me/yelled at me/slammed the door in my face whenever I “messed up”. It was only until I moved out of my mother’s house that I realized that I was constantly trying to avoid conflict with others due to the punishment I had received from my mother. I never disagreed with anyone on their opinion, I never suggested to anybody what they should do about their problems. When friends came to me asking for advice about problems it made me highly uncomfortable because I didn’t want to anger them with my opinion lest they should cut me out of their lives and/or humiliate me in front of other people. These 2 punishments were my mother’s way of keeping me in control and preventing me from being myself and having my own independent opinion. So I think I understand where you’re coming from. After a life experience like that, it’s hard for the victim of emotional or physical abuse to perceive what others around you think of as rude or weird. Here’s an example: it took me 5 years to come to the understanding that it’s okay to ask your friend for a snack if you’re hungry and you’re sleeping over at their house because they invited you over. Here’s another example: it’s okay to be honest with your closest friends about your opinion on anything. I spent a huge portion of my young life wearing a people-pleasing, doormat smile in order to subconciously prevent any outside abuse like the abuse I was receiving from my guardian. Here’s my advice to you and to anyone else who’s seeking the way out of people-pleasing, walking on eggshells, being a doormat, etc. and it goes for anybody whether or not you’ve experienced abuse or it’s just a strenuous habit you formed. Be honest with yourself. Write your true feelings down or speak with a counselor if possible. It’s important to know where you picked this habit up from (abuse, insecurity, fear, etc.) so that you can address the problem and understand it. Then, it’s important to understand that even though your abuser or your insecurities or whatever it was that caused the habit was what originally started you down the wrong path, it’s solely up to YOU to want to forgive yourself and change this behavior. You are the only one who is in control of your mind, so it’s your responsibility to work on yourself. Breaking a habit is not an overnight process, but if you WANT to change that’s all the fuel you need to get started. Read books, get educated, take a class, talk to your counselor/a trusted friend or relative, give yourself time to work on this behavior and you will begin to notice results. Continue to journal your feelings or something similar so you can notice your progress. That will motivate you to keep going. Then, once you feel bold enough, take baby steps and try new things out verbally. If your friend tells you that they like rock music and you don’t, say so. If a stranger gives you the right of way when approaching an open door, take it. You may take a small tumble on your journey (someone may disagree with you at some point, etc.) but if you truly want to break this habit, you will get back up and keep going.
It’s up to you and what you want to do! I am not a doctor or a counselor, I’m just speaking from my personal experience. I was once somebody who cowered in fear beneath my mother while she yelled, “You’re weak and sensitive!” in my face, and now I’m bold, strong, and I’m able to give you my opinion here online. Just keep in mind that if you want to change you can, most people are NOT like your abusers and will not punish you in some way for having an opinion, the worst that can happen is a disagreement, and I think it’s also nice what you said that people vary and everyone is different. Push yourself forward but take baby steps! Think of yourself as “recovering”. If you’re overcoming a physical injury, you must work through the pain but you also must take it slow. It’s the same as an emotional injury. Good luck!