Forum Replies Created
June 13, 2013 at 6:56 am #36847RowenaParticipant
I am unsure whether this can help but I find the pages on here and reading others advice so helpful myself. I have split with my husband, we had been in a eleven year relationship and nearly 5 year marriage. Every minute of every day I think about going back and am desperately trying to work out whether this is an attachment to my old life and him or whether this is love. Its truly so difficult even when it was me making the decision to leave and even when he promises me he will change.
Maybe you are like me so frightened of something new so comfortable with the old shoe so to speak that it feels so torturous to try and push through and let go. It seems to feel so much easier to hope for change and go backwards. My husband was my best friend and the greatest love, but that is rose tinted glasses speaking he is also stubborn, deaf to my needs and wants and prevented our life from developing. We were not a team simply a him with a me that would do anything to keep and love him. The thing i find so hard is seeing my future without him in it. I wonder whether I can accept him as he is and put up with all the problems or whether in order for me to live fully I have to fly.
Re reading your message, I feel your words about the signs, about truly knowing deep down and most importantly to me, the feeling of being moved away from your own inner peace that going towards him, even though you say he is family and it feels unnatural to not allow him to change, feels wrong. I am driving myself mad from this same confusion. Losing your true love. Sometimes we can see it clearly from an outsiders perspective. sometimes not. You are lucky that you do seem to have an inner power and strength, that you are able to express what you feel, something I am only learning to do. Maybe it helps to know that you are not alone that these heart aching problems exist for many people. Perhaps it is the acceptance of the feelings you have deep down about the relationship that is more important than the acceptance of him not changing. I don’t know. The only thing I know is that its really hard to let go and to learn to fly solo but being honest and true is the only way forward. That is what I am working on.
Good luck in your search for strength, you just have to tap into it because its there inside you already.