Hi Saya,

Thank you for sharing your story and concerns. It sounds like you are very anxious about this and you sound a bit panicked as well. It also sounds like to me that you really are giving yourself quite a hard time over this. Of course you want to give love back to this man who sounds wonderful, but sounds like you are angry at yourself or punishing yourself for not currently having those feelings.

I completely agree with Anita that you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself and as soon as you put pressure on yourself to love someone, then the feeling will go away. Sorry is this next comparison is crude to you, but I couldn’t help but think of comparing it to an orgasm. If you worry and concentrate on having your orgasm, then it won’t happy, and the feeling just goes away. But if you relax, allow yourself self-love then it will happen. I believe it is the same with love.

I try not to give advice, as I do not feel totally qualified for this, and it of course is your life and your experience, but I think some self-love should be in order for you. Be a bit kinder to yourself, and let go of some of your own feelings of how you ‘should’ be feeling, and just accept how you ‘are’ currently feeling. All feelings (or lack of feelings) are genuine and valid. Once you stop putting this pressure on yourself of how you ‘should’ be feeling towards your partner, you may find that those feelings return organically again.

Also if you build up your self-love more, and forgive yourself for everything you are feeling, then in the event that your relationship does end, then you will be in a stronger, happier place to be able to deal with it healthily and forgivingly (I know that isn’t a real word).

I hope this helps! Peace x