Hi
I read your story and felt very connected to what you are going through. At this stage of typing this message I am not sure how it will unveil itself to you. However, I will keep following and trusting my heart.
Firstly, thank you for being so honest in what you shared about your life. I am sure that in some way writing about it has brought you some relief because all of this would have been locked inside of you.
Our spiritual journey is definitely a very arduous road because we are learning about LOVE in all of its sense. I don’t believe that love can be compartmentalised in.. for example parental love..or romantic love. Love is whole and the same love is present in all of our relationships including the relationship we have with ourselves.
I wanted to offer you a different perspective, one which you have the choice to reject or embrace. Firstly, I will pose some questions which you can answer for yourself….
“If you leave your marriage, do you expect to be in a relationship with this guy in Scotland? If you do, how do you expect this relationship to be different to the one you are currently in?….are you expecting a more perfect relationship?….What are you truly looking for?….What is your spiritual path about?
It sounds to me that when you met your current partner/husband, you were not full enough within your heart to experience LOVE…I mean to firstly love yourself and more than anything to give love, especially after your experience in the previous relationship. So, in fact, you haven’t come to an understanding of your true self within this relationship with your husband. It would be very challenging to do so as you started this marriage on very uncertain grounds…going with his flow instead of yours. The relationship you had with the guy in Scotland was when you were at a very young age. At that age, your view of life would have been different…fresh, open and embracing!! Could it be that because you are feeling stuck within yourself now, you are blaming this on the choice you made to get married to your husband? Could it also be that you are idealising this high school relationship because of the freedom you experienced then?…without life’s baggage in a way? In a way, longing for this same feeling you experienced so you could feel whole again? The reality is that you and this guy are both very different now from when you dated in high school. The comfort of having known each other for a very long time and having also experienced this freedom in spirit together is what is attracting you to him. The question is….are you looking for him to provide this same feeling within you now? Would that be realisitic?
We attract to us that which most occupy our thoughts….it is the law of attraction! The coincidences which are pointing towards a connection with this guy in Scotland are coming from the seeds you have sowed within you.
My advice to you….That which you are seeking from outside of you is within you! The freedom of spirit, the Love…it is all awaiting to be unveiled…not with someone else but with yourself. It sounds to me that your husband is a very loving man who has provided you with a wonderful life.
Discover the LOVE within you first and trust that the answers to your questions will come to you along the way. Yes…it is about staying aligned to TRUTH, LOVE…not by looking outside of ourselves but within ourselves. This experience, I feel, has been brought to you to gain a deeper understanding of your spiritual path, your true identity, your spirit self. There is no “better” place or “better” person to provide you with this enlightenment. All is perfect as it is now….keep learning, growing and expanding your consciousness…in the NOW..the perfect moment..our gift from the Divine.

Many blesssings 🙂