Hi Anita,

I spoke to one of my friends. She is married she tried to explain things to me that it would be a very difficult thing its better to let go and forget him. I think this sort of pulled up my energy. In fact i can’t see myself being in such a relationship. The good thing is that i realised how much i invested in my studies, my family, trust and everything. I said that yes i am going keep myself out of this dilema showing myself all the wrong possibilities (married man, different religion, age gap). This helped me to be more composed and calm. I spoke to him yesterday i could also realise that he is just a good person i admire its not really that love thing. He is more like enlightened being and explained me stuffs that usually people don’t talk.(bully at work, or friends at work).  He told that he always wanted to speak to me because i seem to be nice human being and likes me to finally tell me that maybe that’s sort of love on his side then i was like trying to explain maybe its not. But the funny thing he kept on changing the topic like jokingly so i dont say anything thinking i would be angry. He even said that in one month or two if i just stop talking to him its alright or even i go back to my country and need any help he’ll be there to talk and guide me. One thing i liked is his honesty and maybe i don’t want to let go the friendship i have with him. I am feeling very much better and relaxed and happy to have known him.

Sarah.

Dear Anita,

I told him clearly from the beginning it’s not going somewhere. And also that isn’t the first person to  tell me that he likes me. Nothing changes if you like a person. Chances are that it might work or simply not just in my case because I can’t see myself be called by a married man and spoken with. That time is for his wife not for me. I told him: also that I am very much possessive as a gf if my boyfriend messes up with me I am just gonna do something about it because I have also lived that bad  part and I know what it takes that’s why I can’t be doing that to another woman. Maybe he is a nice person but this thing no! Not anything friendship (for me, romantic for him) with a married person.” I finally told him what I felt. There’s lot of sobbing probably for me on realising but it’s just a new chapter for me.

Sarah

Hi Anita,

I faced the sexual harassment thing at work while I was just 22 years. Then afterwards I lost my job. He was 60+ old managing director but nevertheless I reported the issue to the seniors manager ( lady) by whom I was supported. Even though I lost the job. But now I am much more aware of this fact.

Today when I came he didn’t say anything he was alright.  hope for the best.

Sarah

Dear Anita,

I am sort of concerned if i be rude to him, he could create issues at work for me. Don’t you think? I could just put a point with him that its better to communicate at work, i don’t think its a good idea to talk late nights especially when i have so much do (studies and work balance). Because i told him already there would be nothing beyond this. He said that he didn’t want to create problems for me.  I think its better to slow down rather than just put him off completely.

Sarah.

Hi Anita,

I was confused actually. I was constantly being messaged by him on 1st Jan we chatted for two hours and yesterday he said he wanted to talk so we talked about 5 hours all night long. Then he said that earlier he used to come by to see one of the guys at work to see me or try to talk to me just to start a conversation. So i was like what? i didn’t even know him. So I would rather say just a hi. Its about maybe 5 months ago. At that time, i could feel about weird, the way he looked and everything i was uncomfortable and i could not face him directly or i would just leave that area pretending nothing happened. He was asking for me to go on coffee and stuff , i said no.  Also last night i asked him why he is not married, he said he is, his wife is in his home country. Also, he was not quite revealing his age when i asked him directly. Obviously, he looks older (45’s). I said as well its not obvious of me to be speaking during late nights.  He was not telling me the reason for him to speak to me at this hour, he kept saying next time he’ll say so i just said it myself because ‘he likes me’ and he was like ‘yes’. Then i told him politely that there is not going to be anything further than this. I don’t like hurting people but if i have to, i try to be at peace with them. He was not quite talking so that i put off. i was already so confused and my head was paining, i just said goodnight and i went to bed. I felt bad that he is married, today he messaged me, asking to sleep because i did not sleep whole night, i just replied i am big enough and he did not have to tell me this. Just trying to be little rude.

Sarah

Dear Anita,

I live with my housemates bit no so close to share these with them.

Sarah

Hi Anita,

No , i was thinking i was but i am not. But i am feeling weird and another thing is that i can’t see myself being with him (inter religion, he is older, maybe 15 years gap or more i am not sure; the fact that that we work together and everyone knows that i have bf). To be honest there are lots of things.  But i can’t understand my feelings. My head does not agree to this at all.

Sarah

Hi Anita,

I agree with you. But I am not going to say directly to him this might create work related issues for me. I could just indirectly say things like i was busy talking to my boyfriend. What i did just now i posted a picture and saying wonderful things about my bf. So basically, he should understand to back off. Because you know there is a thing i can’t be vanishing my whole relationship for some baseless “crush ” or whatsoever i could be talking to him but not anything like dating or something else. I don’t even know if i have a crush i feel but i think its there mostly because he keeps staring at me all the time and i feel intimidated. As there are lots of plenty of handsome and younger guys i never felt that way before. Because they never behave that way. Yes we are friends but nothing of this sort you know. It could be also that he does that with everyone or its his way of behaving. But one thing is clear for me from my end i am not going to tarnish my five year old relationship due to senior.

That’s right i guess.

Sarah.