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Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantSo, if they are bringing you down and affecting your mental health, then put in place healthy boundaries or walk away. I would separate myself as much as possible from people who emotionally abused me like they are of you. Even though it’s family, it’s okay to do your own thing. You can pull from other support like friends or a support group or therapy. You don’t have to take the abuse. You are good enough; you are worth it; you deserve better.
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantIf you are having suicidal ideations, you need to tell a professional. Your meds may need adjusted too. I was on zoloft in my teens and it gave me suicidal ideations. I got off it. I’m not saying that’s what happened to you, just that’s it’s a possibility with some antidepressents.
When you feel down, try to meditate on what is going on in your soul. Ask yourself, “What do I really need?” Write this down. Then share it with someone, a safe space. Try surrendering, letting go rather than giving up. There’s a whole life ahead of you to be lived that’s worthwhile. When we are suicidal, we have tunnel vision. We can’t see outside of our feelings-that’s called emotional reasoning. Even if you do not have CBT in your therapy where you live, you can look up many resources online and use with your negative thought patterns.
If things do not get better, you might want to ask for help and even admit yourself to a psych ward. It’s okay to need help. It’s not okay to ignore it. We can only do so much for you here. We do not have all the answers. We cannot make your pain go away with one message of support. You must ask for help in your area. If something doesn’t work, keep trying. The point is to be vulnerable with yourself and open about your emotions. That will ease you.
I am hoping you hold on. Your life matters.
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantHi there,
I’m sensing some codependency on your part. You are looking for comfort, validation, emotional support and love in a one sided manner. She is not reciprocating your level of care, even if she is unstable as a reason. This is a pattern. You push more and more to get what you need, and end up falling down because of it. If she was able to be emotionally supportive, she would be right there with you. You two lack intimacy, the closeness you need for a functional healthy relationship. She told you off for pushing too hard. That says to me you are both clashing in fact ontop of not communicating right. She contradicted herself by telling you she wants to know how you feel but also shutting you out.
I would honestly either set a boundary where you don’t keep reaching out if she ignores you and let go a little OR walk away. If I were in your shoes, I would be running. You are not there to save this person and she cannot save you. All you can do is accept the situation and recognize that your needs are not being met. What you do from there is up to you.
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantJavier,
I’m proud of you for taking this step.
I am praying for you.
We will be here when you get back!
Sarah
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantJavier,
It’s very important that you listen to me and really take this in.
If you tell us you have a plan to commit suicide, we HAVE To alert the authorities.
I am praying and hoping it doesn’t come to that but you have to let us know if it does.
Please seek professional help, call a hotline or admit yourself to a psych ward for suicidal feelings. There is not much we can do to save your life except offer emotional support.
It’s okay if you’re put on suicide watch or you take antidepressants or you admit you need help. You need to let these fears go and ask for help. It’s time to ask for help. There can be no playing around. You are losing control.
We are still here for you but I need you to tell someone how you are feeling. A professional. Right now.
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantDear Javier,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It does sound like you are having suicidal ideations and need to ask for help though, even if you fear the outcome. If you fear being put on watch, just say you are having ideations without intent. You are feeling depressed. You need to reach out to a therapist or crisis. They can talk you through your feelings and you can decide together what to do about it.
I wish I could tell you everything is going to be okay. The truth is none of us know that. I don’t have any answers. I know my life has been full of twists and turns and mostly hardships. Yet somehow… I am happy. I am happy because I did good along the way. I am happy because I lived for the right reasons. I am happy happy that I got to experience life at all- just being alive itself is a gift not to waste.
There will be times throughout your life where you want to give up. I understand you’re there now. You’re doing the right thing by talking to us, but please contact a professional. There’s no shame in needing help. I urge you to do this because you’re losing control of yourself. You can do this. Our support is with you. Ask for help.
You can spend your life hating yourself or you can open yourself up to the good inside you. Love yourself through this. Love yourself through the mistakes and hard moments. Love yourself even when you are tempted to quit. Love yourself. It’s the bravest thing you can do and it is not a remedy that all will pursue. But it’s worth it. Love yourself.
Self-compassion exercises are on Kristin Neff’s website or you can look them up on Youtube.
This is my favorite meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZEdkZsaUQ8
Stay with us. Stay here. Don’t leave us. You matter. Your story matters. Ask for help. Tell someone. It’s time to reach out for help. Don’t give up on yourself. We won’t either.
You are loved. You are worth it. You are enough. You are good. You are meant to be here. You have a purpose.
Instead of looking at all the bad in your life (i.e. we have a negativity bias that leads us to do that), start seeing the good. What do you have right now that is working for you? List it out.
And…what are you grateful for? What little things have made you smile lately?
Those are the things we live for. That’s what makes it all worth it.
Stay.
Stay.
Stay.
Ask for help. It’s time to ask for help. You can do this.
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantIt sounds like you are very traumatized by past occurrences and internalizing abuse. You will have to accept the rejection for now. Those who reject you do not deserve you. Do you have anyone you can talk to about these feelings? Such as your husband or a therapist? You need a solid support system. You don’t have to do this alone. I encourage you to seek support groups for issues and therapy for trauma. Your lack of self-worth is due to a harsh inner critic who has internalized others’ judgments. It’s time you release yourself from it with some self-compassion.
What’s one way you can love yourself today? What is something good you can do? In the midst of all this, you have to redefine yourself. Not by what others see but by what YOU see. You don’t have to conform to others’ ideas of you or blame yourself for any shortcomings. Allow yourself to be human. Offer yourself some grace, ask for help and open up.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
Sarah Jeanne Browne.
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantJavier,
Start small. Day by day doing things that lift you up. They don’t have to be changing the world or even changing your situation right away. What kindness can you give? How can you give yourself compassionate attention?
I’m going to recommend two books that helped me: Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed and Try Softer by Aundi Kolber.
If you get anything out of this forum, know that you are not alone in your struggles. It’s human to struggle. You have a lot to look forward to. You don’t know what’s right around the corner.
I encourage you to keep expressing yourself and finding solace in others such as through this forum.
Live for the simple things. You don’t have to fix all your problems right away. Just let yourself off the hook for being human. Let yourself live.
You’ll see you’ve had what you needed this whole time.
Sarah Jeanne Browne
ParticipantHi Javier,
I just wanted to let you know you are not a failure. Don’t “should” yourself. I am 30 living with my mom on disability for bipolar. There are a lot of reasons why I should feel like a failure. In this time, I’ve decided to do good the best that I can and follow my passions.
It’s okay if you’re not at the place you want to be. Life is unfair. Repeat after me “It is not my fault.” It is not your fault you are struggling in life. So many do. The important thing is not to compare yourself to others.
You have a purpose. You just have to follow your inner voice, not your inner critic. I see that your inner critic is LOUD and dictating all your thoughts. A professional therapist might be able to help you deconstruct your thinking and positively reform the situation.
Here are some ways to positively reform this:
1. I am not a failure just because I think I failed
2. I am a survivor
3. I am enough as I am. Labels do not define me.
4. I am at peace with what I have and where I’m at.
5. I will choose to do good with the time I have on earth no matter what that looks like (big or small)
6. I accept myself no matter what.
7. I have taken a great step in asking for help because I know that I am worth helping (today in forum) but will continue to find help such as therapy or support groups or letting others know how I am feeling.
8. I have a life to live and things to still look forward to even if I don’t know what they are yet.
If you are have suicidal feelings, please call this hotline: 800-273-8255
I believe in you. You can do this. You can turn your life around. It’s not too late. You are going to be okay.
As for the having kids in your twenties thing, don’t idealize that. You can still help kids by volunteering or having them (adopting as an option later too) if you want. There are many ways to help youth. Don’t fret about not having one by now.
I will be sending you love and light.
Sarah
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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