So, if they are bringing you down and affecting your mental health, then put in place healthy boundaries or walk away. I would separate myself as much as possible from people who emotionally abused me like they are of you. Even though it’s family, it’s okay to do your own thing. You can pull from other support like friends or a support group or therapy. You don’t have to take the abuse. You are good enough; you are worth it; you deserve better.

Hi there,

I’m sensing some codependency on your part. You are looking for comfort, validation, emotional support and love in a one sided manner. She is not reciprocating your level of care, even if she is unstable as a reason. This is a pattern. You push more and more to get what you need, and end up falling down because of it. If she was able to be emotionally supportive, she would be right there with you. You two lack intimacy, the closeness you need for a functional healthy relationship. She told you off for pushing too hard. That says to me you are both clashing in fact ontop of not communicating right. She contradicted herself by telling you she wants to know how you feel but also shutting you out.

I would honestly either set a boundary where you don’t keep reaching out if she ignores you and let go a little OR walk away. If I were in your shoes, I would be running. You are not there to save this person and she cannot save you. All you can do is accept the situation and recognize that your needs are not being met. What you do from there is up to you.

Javier,

It’s very important that you listen to me and really take this in.

If you tell us you have a plan to commit suicide, we HAVE To alert the authorities.

I am praying and hoping it doesn’t come to that but you have to let us know if it does.

Please seek professional help, call a hotline or admit yourself to a psych ward for suicidal feelings. There is not much we can do to save your life except offer emotional support.

It’s okay if you’re put on suicide watch or you take antidepressants or you admit you need help.  You need to let these fears go and ask for help. It’s time to ask for help. There can be no playing around. You are losing control.

We are still here for you but I need you to tell someone how you are feeling. A professional. Right now.

It sounds like you are very traumatized by past occurrences and internalizing abuse. You will have to accept the rejection for now. Those who reject you do not deserve you. Do you have anyone you can talk to about these feelings? Such as your husband or a therapist? You need a solid support system. You don’t have to do this alone. I encourage you to seek support groups for issues and therapy for trauma. Your lack of self-worth is due to a harsh inner critic who has internalized others’ judgments. It’s time you release yourself from it with some self-compassion.

What’s one way you can love yourself today? What is something good you can do? In the midst of all this, you have to redefine yourself. Not by what others see but by what YOU see. You don’t have to conform to others’ ideas of you or blame yourself for any shortcomings. Allow yourself to be human. Offer yourself some grace, ask for help and open up.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.

Hi Javier,

I just wanted to let you know you are not a failure. Don’t “should” yourself. I am 30 living with my mom on disability for bipolar. There are a lot of reasons why I should feel like a failure. In this time, I’ve decided to do good the best that I can and follow my passions.

It’s okay if you’re not at the place you want to be. Life is unfair. Repeat after me “It is not my fault.” It is not your fault you are struggling in life. So many do. The important thing is not to compare yourself to others.

You have a purpose. You just have to follow your inner voice, not your inner critic. I see that your inner critic is LOUD and dictating all your thoughts. A professional therapist might be able to help you deconstruct your thinking and positively reform the situation.

Here are some ways to positively reform this:

1. I am not a failure just because I think I failed

2. I am a survivor

3. I am enough as I am. Labels do not define me.

4. I am at peace with what I have and where I’m at.

5. I will choose to do good with the time I have on earth no matter what that looks like (big or small)

6. I accept myself no matter what.

7. I have taken a great step in asking for help because I know that I am worth helping (today in forum) but will continue to find  help such as therapy or support groups or letting others know how I am feeling.

8. I have a life to live and things to still look forward to even if I don’t know what they are yet.

If you are have suicidal feelings, please call this hotline: 800-273-8255

I believe in you. You can do this. You can turn your life around. It’s not too late. You are going to be okay.

As for the having kids in your twenties thing, don’t idealize that. You can still help kids by volunteering or having them (adopting as an option later too) if you want. There are many ways to help youth. Don’t fret about not having one by now.

I will be sending you love and light.

Sarah