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Scott

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 51 total)
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  • in reply to: Where Do I Go Now? #201687
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Thank you for describing the view of my “old self” as being nostalgic. I can finally understand the way I have been perceiving everything I do and everything I have been trying to become. You’re right, when you want out of something you quickly think back to a happier time and forget the parts where it got ugly. I now realize that there is no going back and only moving forward. In addition, I have come to find that some of my anxiety and trouble believing in myself comes from my repetitive nature to seek out problems and solutions that have no true existence. You can’t worry about and start diving deeper into a problem when you don’t have the facts and that was exactly what I was doing. I was constantly thinking my medicine wasn’t enough and that somehow I wasn’t as smart or capable anymore, but none of that is true. It is only a self-fulfilling prophecy created in my mind.

    In terms of the relationship, it’s one that is not something I necessarily want to get out of but rather take a step back from. I want to give less of my time to her so that she can understand and learn I need time for myself and my goals in life. For too long I have turned my back to many opportunities because of the deep down fear of abandonment and loss of my hard earned investment. The truth is, the more I pull away from her, while still being myself and putting in the right amount of effort, the more polarity it creates drawing her closer to me. Now, it may drive her crazy but it is something she is going to have to learn to deal with.

    And I would agree that Zoloft and any other psychiatric drug have no ability to cure, but rather mask and contain the problems and only to a certain extent. I still get anxious, sometimes extremely anxious and full of adrenaline, so I know this is the case. It’s time for me to drive my anxious, driven energy into my future and into my goals rather than onto current and essentially non existent problems.

    I’m considering psychotherapy so that I can get to the root of my internal problems and eliminate some of the detrimental thinking I still have deep down.

    Scott

    in reply to: Where Do I Go Now? #201501
    Scott
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    I read through some of the previous conversations we’ve had. I think that my anxiety does make it seem as if my Zoloft isn’t working, but it is always hard to tell with SSRIs. Obviously the effect of antidepressants isn’t an instantaneous type of relief, it is a long term type of buffer towards for our brain’s biochemistry and neurotransmitter functioning. I told you I went down to 50 mg of Zoloft for a while but it seems as if that was too much for me to do alone, I should’ve gotten in touch with my doctor because I’ve been on the antidepressant for years. But, I started taking 100 mg of Zoloft daily and it seems that the uneasiness is gone. I just now find that my problem is finding my purpose and energy where I’m at.

    I used to have so much energy and drive and now it seems that I look for it daily. Some days I have a passion and drive and others I do not. I just want to be my old self, the one when I first got on the medicine whether or not some of it was a placebo effect. Honestly, it might be having a girlfriend that has changed my thinking. My dad always had trouble with his relationships and I wonder if there is a subconscious or underlying belief that makes me feel unable to handle a relationship and go after things in life. He always seemed to function better with having someone there to fulfill his life and take care of him, but it was like he could never say no or speak his mind. In a way, I feel like I’m in that same position. I know that he had some mental problems growing up, I never really understood it, or learned much about it, but I know he had bouts of depression throughout adulthood.

    Do you think my problem has to do with my passion in life, my girlfriend, or something to do with my biochemistry? Is it a combination of these? How can I take steps to move forward in life. I want to grow and become successful like I’ve dreamed of as a child. Become a doctor, help people, make a wonderful salary and be able to raise a family being financially stable and take vacations and what not. Let me know what you think from here.

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Jealousy? #182041
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I feel like the things you mentioned above have a deeper meaning that I’m beginning to see. It does make sense in a way why I would reference her sexual past (or anything negative for that matter) to associate with her during times of distress or as a way to fault her for something when I myself am so much of an innocent man.

    The troubling part for me is the amount of love she claims to have for everything, including myself, hence why she reacts with such strong emotions. She says she just cares so much about me that she gets really upset when things don’t appear right in her eyes. I can understand where she is coming from, because it happens to me to (sometimes out of insecurity), but I typically manage my emotions. It’s not to say that I haven’t ever tried to gain control over her for some things, but generally it is not me creating conflict or developing tension and expecting the other person to fix the problem.

    It is very confusing for me as I feel so much love and care from her but at other times she is unpredictable and drives me crazy, stresses me out, and takes me away from my natural peace in life. It’s really hard to know what to do. Anything you’ve got in response to this helps me out greatly.

    Sincerely,

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Jealousy? #181819
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I realize I haven’t mentioned anything about any sort of abusive behavior in previous posts and should inform you about what I mean by it. It is a combination of emotional bullying and not often at all, but physical abuse in a sense. I really do get the sense that she is a narcissist, because it’s truly about what she wants and when I cross the line with anything, I’m in “big” trouble. I’m not really sure how you would define a control freak, or someone that wants to manipulate a relationship and tweak it to be the way they want it to, but I do have a great sense of this in her. It feels as if without her being in control, or me crossing the line with her “certain” expectations, that this relationship will end. She has threatened to break up with me over such silly things and creates an ultimatum for a lot of what I do that is completely normal in other relationships. Instead of being upset about something like cheating or actually doing harm to someone, she is concerned with my actions and who I am and how I act and the list goes on and on. I know this relationship is likely not what it should be and that I need to run the other way, it’s just extremely hard to tell sometimes. I see a correlation between her and my old stepmother, because both claimed to and showed they loved so much, but had to do so by a means of control, so that it was played out through their own eyes. I guess I’ve kind of lost my true self in this relationship, bending over backwards for her and having to live a stealthy lifestyle in order to avoid conflict.

    Sincerely,

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Jealousy? #181143
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I suppose I should add that I tend to think in terms of the past. So whatever it may be that I recall, I bring that past action or behavior into the now and associate it with her behavior. When I mention getting upset about her drinking, it’s because she has upset me many times whilst drinking and it tends to lead to horrible behavior and mistreatment from her. In a way, my predictions of the future are related to her past actions and I think that is what leads to my “ultimate” and basis of resentment towards her because I just expect the worst. She has been better about being nice to me and when we’re drinking because I nearly ended the relationship after a few times of her drinking and being verbally and slightly physically abusive towards me. Now it’s not that I’m some wimpy, soft guy that is afraid of her, but more so the fact that I can’t do anything back to her obviously because she is a girl. I’m strong and tall and confident in my ability to everything, but I am restricted in terms of what I can do when she acts up as in I can only give a verbal response which is hard at these intense moments. I’ve kind of been venting to you in this post so I will stop here and let you generate some thoughts on all of this.

    Sincerely,

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Jealousy? #181141
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I apologize for how long it has taken to get back to you as I’ve been very busy with school and what not. I feel like what I described above is a mindset or pattern of thoughts that comes on when negatively thinking of my girlfriend. What I mean by this is that when things are good and she is being positive and supportive, the thoughts aren’t there. But when I feel mistreated or like I’m being used for what’s convenient as in taking her out dinner, giving her rides to and from class and making her feel better or reassure her when she is saying I don’t like her or love her and want to be with other girls, this is when I get annoyed and upset and have these thoughts almost as if I’m doubting the relationship. I mean I really do like her and the negative thoughts I have come sometimes, but typically I can overcome them and that’s what I have been doing. I don’t know why, but I feel like these thoughts come into play when she is drinking and I see her on display on social media, like she’s out doing stuff with other people and I take it as a threat. I don’t know why this is, but I am angered when she is having fun it seems like, but other time I am not. I guess I just get annoyed with her being needy and wanting reassure and then at other times is out having a good time with her friends and it’s like I have to deal with the negativity and then all of a sudden she is fine.

    I guess what I am saying is that I have resentment towards her sometimes and it can build in certain scenarios I feel she is taking advantage of me or is lying or manipulative of my emotions. Sometimes I do wonder if she has a narcissistic personality dissorder because of how much everything is oriented around her. Let me know what you think and what I should do, I know this kind of changed directions in terms of topic, but it all goes back to the basis of this relationship and it leaves me wondering.

    Sincerely,

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #161464
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I feel calm as of right now. I am currently dealing with the negative emotions of my girlfriend and it seems impossible to get through to her. When she is angry, she is like a brick wall. I can’t say anything without her sending some short, snobby text and she puts no effort into finding a resolution. She’s also upset/mad/worried at me for reasons she won’t tell me. I know I talked about having a serious talk with her in person, I just haven’t been able to do that yet. I would say this is the worst it has been because there’s so much tension between us. Over a couple of days, she became more distant and withdrew from engaging in our conversations and sort of became annoyed. I don’t know why I still feel drawn to her, because none of it is my fault. Obviously there are some things about her surfacing that are making her think crazy.

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #161264
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yeah I think I did somewhat miss out on that part, just under a lot of stress at the moment.

    We live a couple of hours away and I’ve visited her quite a few times more than she has visited me.

    Everyday, it is me to send a message or a snapchat first. Usually in the morning. She has texted or snap chatted me first maybe once or twice a month. She usually responds after like 20 minutes or so, depending on the day and what she’s doing. And if she’s upset, I usually wait it out for a while before sending something else.

    It can be as simple as me sending a big message and something exciting but she gives little feedback and the response is short. It feels like I’m always the one putting more effort into these messages and lifting her mood. I’m not really thinking straight right now, it’s hard to come up with a conversation, I apologize.

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #161136
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I understand the negative thinking is automatic and that I need to calm myself down, but I just get so frustrated sometimes. It feels like I’m the only one in the relationship that suffers/struggles. I know I’ve addressed this already, but her not making the effort to start conversations is really driving me up the wall. I know my expectations can be high at times, but don’t you think it’s a bit much for me to always reaching out? I understand that this isn’t really a big deal to some people, but to me, after some thinking, I get very annoyed with it. I feel like I put in more work in this relationship. Like I mentioned before, I’m like the entertainment, never her. I’m the one who goes to see her, she rarely visits me. It’s just a lot of frustration building up and it gets hard to tolerate. I figure if you love and miss someone, you would at least try to call or text them.

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #161004
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Another thing that I’d like to add is that I feel like I’m always pulling things from the past into the present. I feel like I base my decisions and thinking off of past times – negative ones. Why do I do this and what can I do to fix this?

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #161002
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’m in the process of taking 150 mg of Zoloft to see how it can aid in my thoughts and lifting me up when I get down. I’m trying to be mindful and stay present, but I find it hard to slow down my thoughts. I know that breathing is essential (and other techniques), but as busy as I am how can I change my thoughts. I’ll find that when I’m at work I’ll be sitting there thinking, and it mostly consists of my girlfriend. I don’t understand something; how I start creating a path of negativity when I don’t get my expectations met. It feels like those little things we have talked about, like text messaging and stuff, I feel that when I don’t get an expectation met, I get upset and angry and then start the cycle of thinking. I just want to love my girlfriend and think positively about her, but it’s like my mind creates a bad picture of her in my mind. Now, I have mentioned some negative things, but I have improved in terms of not worrying so much about abandonment or losing her love.

    Basically I just need to figure out some ways to change or eliminate the negative thinking that comes on so quickly when I don’t get an expectation met or see something that I might take personally.

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #160118
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I would agree with your statements above, medicine is only there to aid you, but doesn’t necessarily fix the problem. It truly takes courage to go head on with fear and whatever it may be that is slowing you down in life. I do feel that Zoloft is a stimulating SSRI as well, because it tends to wake me up in the morning. I have only ever taken benzodiazepines once, Xanax, during my last semester to see how it would work with all my tests going on. I would say it is very helpful in relieving lots of stress and tension after studying/taking tests and does indeed make naps/sleeping easier. I don’t want to become dependent on such a drug though, so I will have to see what works and what doesn’t. I would also agree no degree of intellect can solve the puzzle of anxiety, as it exists as a part of us. I do believe it takes the right mindset and being mindful to move on in hard circumstances, like I’m experiencing right now.

    I have noticed my anxiety/OCD goes through different phases, focuses on whatever is present in my life, and it’s just something I will have to learn to deal with. It likes to get to me, whether about my goals or relationships or socially, it’s always there to tell me something. I just know that there is more to life than worrying and will give it all I’ve got to enjoy it and make the most of it.

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #160044
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I was prescribed Zoloft for my anxiety because it works to alleviate the generalized anxiety I have as well as the panic attacks I used to suffer from. For a while now, I’ve just been on it to maintain a stable mood, and because I have other things going on in my life that could be considered stressful such as school, work, volunteering, etc. I’m interested in talking to my doctor about Fluvoxamine, as you said it is used primarily for OCD and would maybe be more effective in keeping those ruminating thoughts of mine on a lower priority level, so that I won’t give them power.

    I would be interested in hearing your experience on the medications, with how they affected you and the outcome of taking them. How did they play a role in your life? The most troubling factor in my opinion is it can sometimes be a lot of work to focus on fixing a problem with other things going on like I mentioned above, so I’m hoping to experience relief from the medicine but practice working on my thoughts and behavior.

    Scott

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #159946
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I believe the Zoloft helps me to maintain a stable mood, as it helped me relieve a lot of anxiety in the past. I think that it slowed me down enough to help me realize what was real and what wasn’t. I don’t think it can keep up with new anxieties, however. Since I have this new anxiety about my relationship, and Zoloft (an antidepressant) works slowly, it’s hard to tell the difference as it’s more for stabilizing your mood by increasing serotonin. As of right now, I’m going to up the dose to 150 mg unless my doctor has another medication to try and I will also ask him about benzodiazepines because they are quick relief and sometimes I definitely need that. I can see that I have some OCD going on and there may be a better method or medicine for it.

    I’d like to hear more about your individual experience because it’s probably good for you to talk about it and it helps me to see how your anxiety works, thus helping me separate out mine.

    With my girlfriend, I plan to just keep present and handle problems as they arise. I’m realizing that she acts the way she does because she “thinks” I don’t like her or love her as much as I say I do and that I don’t want to talk to her. She has her doubts which lead to her acting differently. I’m a very understanding person, and I love to be kind and loving to her, but I think my OCD and anxiety, however you may call it, has left me depleted of energy and clear thinking.

    Scott

     

    in reply to: Relationship Anxiety/Thoughts Questions #159748
    Scott
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I would agree with that statement. I’m currently on 100 mg of Zoloft, which I’ve been taking for nearly 3 years now. However, it seems as if the medicine has lost it’s ability to slow me down in times of anxious thinking. I know how antidepressants work, obviously no short term effects are felt, but over time and with adjustment to my life, physical health and such; I think it would be beneficial to up the dose and possibly get some benzodiazepines for times of extreme anxiety involving school, lots of tests and studying, and the ongoing OCD I already may have.

    I have done some CBT before and it does indeed help to trace back your cycle of thinking, feelings, behavior and outcomes. If there are some free CBT worksheets I could do, that may be helpful just to write out my thinking and identify where I’m being unrealistic.

    I think so too. I don’t want her to change as a person, but some of the behaviors must change in order to relieve some of my anxiety and allow for me to continue on my journey towards success. As I mentioned before, and you responded to, I think she just doesn’t like to do a lot of thinking because it annoys her to be annoyed and she would rather escape the problem solving. However, if I can calmly communicate my needs and triggers to her, I think she’ll be able to understand what affects me, and if in the near future things do not change, I will have to move on because I have a lot more school down the road for my profession.

    Scott

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