Dear Anita. Thank you so much. Your words help me so much. I can’t express that enough. Radical acceptance is something I need to do for my sanity. But maybe acceptance scares me just the word. Because I still love him and acceptance means I’m not fighting for him. But I am in constant pain and disappointment. Waiting hoping being in denial. I have 30 years of memory. And my husband Victor has completely turned into a different person. And I keep thinking but we had kids together. So I think I have to practice radical acceptance. I have to. I find such comfort in this site. I am also writing letters to him I won’t send. I think the more I reach out to him the more disappointed I feel. He has cut me out. My anger about him cheating will not allow me to have a conversation about the house and the financial situation. I have to work on that. I talk to a therapist and a psychiatrist. I want to ask my psychiatrist for a pill that won’t get me high but make me feel nothing. It’s sort of like that movie Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind 😉 Sue

Anita I was reading the beautiful response you wrote me. I have to tell you it’s the middle of the night and I grabbed some strawberries to eat. I read what you wrote while eating them. I smiled and felt happiness when I read that. A small thing a strawberry giving me hope that I’m not alone. I’m not crazy for feeling these terrible feelings. I have panic attacks lately so I realized I need to keep things simple. Make sure my pets (dog and Parrot) are well taken care of. That I am eating and drinking water and I am in AA (sober since I was 21 long time lol) so try to go to meetings. That I shower brush my teeth shower. I’m a dog walker so walk dogs to keep making money which is a good job now animals and walking. I can’t worry about all the documents and this house that needs so much work. I need a break from that at least a couple of days. I get glimpses of hope usually from outside things not from my husband which I am realizing how dependent I am on him. My son is in Japan and they have the most delicious strawberries there. They were like $20 for a carton but I was blown away by the taste. And tonight these strawberries were almost as good so your comment about strawberries really made me smile. I hope this makes sense ;). Suzanne

Anita this is the most beautiful thing I’ve read that you have written. Radical acceptance is what will help me. Today Mother’s Day I see his family I have been a part of for 30 years aren’t reaching out to me. And I feel they never really liked me. Another goodbye. But I get stuck in what ifs and what I think his family should do. I just get angry and hurt in a different way. It’s not helping me let go. So today he is not here. His family is not reaching out. But my daughter and my friends are helping me. Do you know of a book that I can read? You have been so helpful. I feel like when I read what you wrote there is a fishing line pulling me back to myself and feel a little more grounded. Thank you again. Suzanne.

Thank you 🙏