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Charity

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  • #132043
    Charity
    Participant

    I just realized I cursed and did not mean to. I have no idea how to edit or delete. I apologize.

    #132027
    Charity
    Participant

    I also want to add…..that he is planning on moving here but I feel like I’m the only one bringing this up or making the plans. He is a last minute kind of guy and I like plans. I get my feelings hurt because I take his lack of making plans personal.

    #96546
    Charity
    Participant

    I def agree with what you are saying. My Mom’s love is conditional and I’ve always known that. Of course she has to have others believing that she loves me unconditionally. That’s what “good” Moms do.

    I struggle on a daily basis because the only voice I seem to have in my head is this negative voice toward myself (which I know is me viewing myself through my Mom’s eyes). Just when I seem to feel semi ok in some area in my life that’s when my Mom or someone else seems to point out that area and show me how I’m failing. I try to be positive and for people who don’t know me they see a kind, caring, strong woman. I am afraid of ruining any new relationships/friendships I may make because I do not feel I deserve anything good in my life. In my past friendships I’m the friend that isn’t valued really. I’ll do anything for any friend but it seems when I no longer have any of myself to give and they are left with just me I’m no longer useful and quickly discarded and forgotten about.

    I’m sorry. I think I’m rambling tonight.

    #96219
    Charity
    Participant

    Anita,

    Thank you so much for replying. I agree with you. I’ve worked hard over the years to grow and separate my views/beliefs from my parents. Not that theirs are wrong but for me they aren’t right. I was raised believing that my purpose here on earth was to serve God, marry, have children and stay home and raise them. To be submissive to my husband. No matter how hard I tried to follow those rules for my life I wasn’t happy. Of course, I know I’m capable of being a loving wife and a great Mom (Not perfect but I try my best). I just couldn’t be who he wanted me to be and I got tired of trying. I want to be who I feel I am and not constantly put on these masks to hide myself. Every time I let him see who I really was I received anger. He had no respect for me and was very controlling.

    Last night having my Mom talk to me just put me in a bad head space. I don’t really know how to handle any of my family because they disagree with my decisions. In one sentence they tell me how proud of me they are and how much they love me and the next they put down every decision I make. They tell me how great of a Mom I am then a few days later tell me that I am hurting my children more than I realize. It’s all very confusing.

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