Hi Anita, I think you’re right. I start day dreaming about how I’ll be so good I’ll take part in Xtreme olympics for like bicycling then when I’m not that great at something the first time I try it I give up.
I do think you’re right that there two separate reasons I’m reacting negatively to Path A, and one of them is valid. I think part of my depression also stems from having made decisions according to what others thought I should do for the past 12-13 yrs at least and setting what i wanted on the side completely. I’ve lost sight of who I am in the process and its sort of my brains way of calling attention to the fact that I need to stop and reevaluate things.
I do think i turn to music and other activities as escape. I grew up in an abusive environment and it was easier to disconnect and create an artificial life in my head that centered around whatever i was into at that moment in time than to deal with what reality was like. I’ve carried that habit into adulthood and while I don’t do it as often if I am happy or entertained, I do do it most days. Anxiety is a significant problem for me, and over the years I have manifested it as not being able to stop throwing up (involuntarily), headaches and palpitations. I have fairly recently come to recognize all of these things as symptoms of my anxiety.
Would love to hear how you think I should proceed in dealing with this anxiety and beginning healing.
Best,
m

Hi Maria 🙂

Thank you for this thought ” I know you are doing your best, but it is the parents’ duty to take care of the child. The child grows up and takes care of it’s own child, etc… That’s the way life goes. Not the other way around”. It helps me come to terms with a lot of decisions I’ve had to make recently. I don’t have anyone I’m seeing at the moment, or friends in my city, and I feel social isolation does contribute to my feeling low. I think we do need to figure out something more sustainable.

Anita I have an update 🙂 . We had a conversation where I pointed out that she was harming her relationship with the people around her and that I couldn’t put up with the constant emotional pressure she was putting me under anymore. Things have improved since then thankfully. I’m hoping the improvement lasts while also pushing for her to talk to someone about the fact that she feels so overwhelmed.

Thanks for all your help you guys! <3
Love and prayers,
m

Hi sia!
Thanks for sharing with me :).You’re right, it impacts how I schedule my study times, whether I meet with friends or not. I’m starting to see her anger as a cry for help, the only way I can think of helping her is taking her to talk to a therapist who can maybe help her figure out what is causing her to feel frustrated and overwhelmed. That is not a conversation I have been able to approach so far because I have been fearing her reaction. Also, I had not thought of low blood sugar. Will get it checked, she does take medications for diabetes.
Just reading the practical tips you gave makes me feel better. I’m going to try and build them into habitual mental responses to her anger.
Prayers and Love,
m