Hi Helcat,
Happy New Year to you also.
Yes, well, J.R. (our Jack Russel) lived 17 years, so he had a good life. But …… I do miss him.
Ah yes, identity. It’s the curse of our time. I’m sure the Buddha is rolling over in his grave😉.
Lean toward the philosophical, yes. But, I also have a hard practical streak. I make and fix many things.
The number of forums I’m on runs the gamut. Everything interests me. If I were to list the
things I’ve been involved in and like doing, it would be very difficult to find a common theme.
I (used to) draw faces and hands. Hands fascinate me. My eyes go directly to a person’s hands,
especially women’s. There was a female doctor in the research lab, who had the most
magnificent hands, large and strong, yet perfectly proportioned, who allowed me to draw her hands.
Drawing a person’s hands is a very intimate experience, for me. I can feel them (figuratively) as I do it.
OK … back to earth😉. I think to become great at something, one must be very talented, to begin with.
Didn’t someone once say, ‘Write a million words, then come back to me and I’ll teach how you to write.’
I wrote a lot of poetry, but most of it was, well, mediocre. I did however write a couple of good ones.
My favourite poet Alexander Pope once said (I paraphrase). ‘For what I have published, I hope to be
forgiven; for what I have burned, I deserve to be praised.’ He has a point there.
I have two favourite poems. One I wrote, after spending an afternoon wondering around a small church
cemetery, reading the tombstones. It told the story of a couple and their 7(?) children, all who died very young.
It was a heart breaker. The other was the tribute to the poet Sappho, which I inscribed on an Aeolian harp I made,
many years ago. I can send them to you, if you like.
I have to admit to being something of a perfectionist, which to me means, doing my best. I’ve
never understood the concept of hobby, and am unable to do anything in a casual manor.
I have a friend who is very artistically inclined. She’s a former teacher, who has traveled the world,
and lectured about her trips. She no longer does that but still runs, what I consider to be, one of the
prominent art websites in Europe. Cedar Gallery.
Ah yes, Banksy. He’s a very elusive/mysterious character eh? My daughter, who is covered in tattoos, beautiful
works, has Banksy’s girl holding a read balloon on one of her thighs. It’s hard to say what motivates
him eh? Wasn’t there one of his that caught on fire, or something like that, after being sold, or am thinking of
the one you mentioned that was shredded? Perhaps he’s trying to imitate the Tibetan monks, who spend
months creating magnificent mandalas, only to sweep them away.
I know why they do it; but I tend to think that it’s the destruction of beauty.
“Is it truly a good idea to worry about something that is statistically unlikely to happen right now?” Only if
your trying to sell a product or service, wanting to induce fear, or are truly neurotic.
“Some people assume that something extreme has to happen to experience trauma, it simply isn’t true…” Now,
that’s interesting. I didn’t realize that. “Did you know it is very rare to meet someone that hasn’t experienced some kind of trauma?” Well, I guess that depends on how you define trauma? “If I’m expressing a negative emotion the other person is more likely to express a negative emotion too.” Yes, I think you implied as much in your previous post. I’ve never really thought about it; but I will now. “It seems like I got most of the heavy stuff out of the way.” Well, that’s a great achievement; and must be a hell of a big load off your shoulders?
…. john

Hi,
Ah yes, finding your purpose. How did that go? After 80 years, I still haven’t found mine;
unless one considers having done what they wanted in life, as their purpose; which I do not.
Interesting. ‘Fear provides safety’. Why, because it prevents one from taking chances?
Again, interesting. Comfortable with suffering, because it’s what you know. It makes sense, in a way.
“Once I understood why I was doing what I was doing, I could understand how to change it. If that makes any sense?” Oh, indeed; it makes perfect sense.
“Limiting suffering, being happy, taking care of my health, pets and family. Spending time with loved ones. Helping people. I don’t really need much else.” Yes, that might be as good as it gets, or even has to get.
“Things can always be worse … ” So true.
You’re practicing Gassho, being thankful for what you have, not constantly seeking more.
Spirituality ….. now that’s a good subject for mulling. I’m not a spiritual person, in any sense of the word; but you are.
“I have seen people who do horrible things have good lives and be happy. I have seen good people suffer.” Indeed, we all have seen this. It is a mixed bag. There is no fairness in life.
Oh yes, Cause and effect is very difficult to predict. I think it could be predicable, if we were able to understand the enormous number of causes and determine the influence each one has the others; but that’s WAY WAY beyond our abilities. Cause and effect is the basis of all experimentation, but on a very simple scale, nothing like what happens in real life situations.
I’m fine. Thanks for asking.
I can see that stepping back from your emotions is going to be a challenging process, for someone as sensitive and caring as yourself. Your feeling are a very big part of who you are; but I’m sure you can do it. I’ve always wanted to be great at something. I used to draw (pencil), and write poetry; most of which was mediocre; but became despondent after realizing that I was not gifted. However, when one looks at the great artist of history, one sees that many of them lived tortured lives. My conclusion from this is that when one lives 24/7 on their emotions (as artists often do), they are (figuratively) standing on the edge of a cliff, much of time. So, in an odd way, I’ve consoled myself with the belief that the cost of greatness is emotional instability and a life in hell. Maybe I’m kidding myself, and have simply contrived an excuse for lack of talent. Blaise Pascal, the great French philosopher said (my paraphrase) ‘Mankind is so necessarily mad, that to be otherwise would simply be another form of madness.’ A very astute observation. I believe he arrived at this conclusion after realizing that, because of our ability to anticipate our eventual demise, to function with any degree of sanity we must constantly ignore the precarious fragility of our existence. The point being that, by going down the emotional rabbit hole, (as artists often do) one is flirting with one’s sanity.
… john
P.S. My New Years resolution ….. ‘Watch more baseball.’ One of these years I’m going to have to get a new one😉.

Hi Helcat,
Let me start by saying that you should take everything I say with a grain of salt. My words (thoughts) come from a life which has been dramatically easier than your own; as a result, I have NO in-depth understanding of the things with which you’ve had to deal. Your circumstances have not afforded you the luxury of mulling over the more esoteric aspect of life; since most of your energy has been spent in struggling just to survive, in keeping it together, and not being overcome by trauma. It is interesting where one finds one’s teachers. Without realizing it, you have pointed out to me how sheltered and limited a life I have lived, experience wise. You are a blessing.
I’ve never thought ‘the ephemeral seeking the eternal’ to be complicated; probably because it seemed to explain so well the reason for the goals I’ve set for myself, since I was a young. However, in just the last few days I’ve begun to wonder if, what I’ve assumed for years, i.e. that ‘I’m motivated to seek the eternal’ is really what’s going on. So, I don’t think I can answer your question right now; hopefully later, after the dust settles😉.
I hear what you’re saying about why we exist as a species. Do you actually mean that our species exists to help each other and to breed; or do you mean that this is why we have flourished as a species?
I don’t subscribe to the commonly held belief, that Karma is some sort of universal force of justice, which ensures that ‘bad people’ eventually suffer for inflicting pain and ‘good people’ are rewarded for helping others. I actually see karma as simply cause and effect, nothing more. But yes, I’m quite sure that your birth and upbringing have resulted in your present circumstances, just as mine has led me to where I am. There’s no fairness to the whole thing. And, I can see how PTSD and helping victims of violence might not be a good fit at this time. That’s just a little too raw and close to home; maybe in future. It’s a positive sign though, that you see going down the suicide route as harmful; I suspect many see it as an escape.
Letting go works eh? That’s good!
…. john

Hi all,
I was sorry to hear of Jimmy Carter’s death today. He was a genuinely good human being.
… john

Hi Helcat,
I’m not being kind, just honest. I think you’ve come a loooong way.
I never really noticed guilt until I started to delve into what motivates me. I think that when
you’ve hurt someone, who has done nothing to deserve it, that’s when the guilt settles in,
and justifiably so. Guilt seems to be rampant in our society. Merchants employ it constantly,
in order to get people to buy; for example: an engagement ring, valentine’s day presents, Christmas presents, looking after others: your aging mother, your children, vaccinations, diets, you name it; anything that has an undertone of ‘should’ in it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that these things are bad or wrong; but guilt is a BIG motivator for getting people to do ‘the right thing’.
I’ve never heard that, about being guilty over having feelings. That’s wild!
I’ve had some experience with potential suicides , having worked on the distress lines for years; and they’re very difficult to deal with. I had a caller once who spilled out a litany of problems he was dealing with, and it was pitiful; then he asked me, “Tell me why I shouldn’t take my life?” You talk about being put on the spot. It makes me shake to think of it.
Yes, of course, sadness is nothing to get strung out over, we all have it at some time or another.
I think it’s therapeutic to get this stuff off one’s chest, that’s why, at the distress centre, they encouraged us to ‘talk it out’ with other members. Fortunately, my wife (who was also on the lines) and I, had each other to talk with.
Why do I feel uncomfortable when others are suffering? To be honest, I’m not sure. You see, I live by a double standard. I feel that I’m the source of my own suffering. It’s my reaction to life, to other people, to illness, etc. that causes me to suffer. No one else is responsible. On the other hand, I know that most people don’t subscribe to this belief; so, for me to exact my beliefs on them would be unfeeling and insensitive; and of course, most us don’t like to see others suffer, that’s only human. I know that that doesn’t answer the question, but that’s all I have.
This is what I used to tell tell callers to the distress lines.
…. john
P.S. When I had a depressed caller on the distress lines, I normally told them that, it won’t help anyone if you go down the toilet.

Hi Helcat,
I couldn’t agree more, stepping back from one’s ego allows us to make wiser decision.
“… whatever someone chooses to do is what they want.” Hmm …. I’m not so sure. Guilt is a very powerful force;
and people will go to extremes to free themselves of it, including not being upbeat in the presence of one who is suffering, and giving money, etc. to those who have little. I’m normally a very happy person, but I feel uncomfortable being cheerful and upbeat in the presence of someone who is suffering; perhaps it’s just me.
It’s clear to me that you have come a VERY long way in life. I would venture to say, further than many with fewer obstacles to overcome; and I’m quite sure that you’re nowhere near finished blooming.
…. john

Hi Elias,
It sounds like you’re trying to find the fire, the passion, the burning dire to create music.
It’s a gift.
Have you found it yet?
… john