Dear Anita

I started exploring different career paths for health science majors and the field is likely to grow by 11% between 2020-2026 which is really quite cool. Some career paths in health sciences were health services coordinator which helps spread awareness about prevention and testing of diseases and they often work in hospitals or with OSHA which I find interesting. Another career path in health sciences is working in the biotechnology industry helping take the research other scientists do and running clinical trials on it and seeing how a drug or a medical device such as an ultrasound might work. The job in health science fields is expected to grow by about 20,000 in the next few years which is exciting. Another career path in health sciences is becoming a medical assistant or community health provider and they help with testing people for diseases and work with doctors on treatments with people as well as providing awareness to people about the disease and some of them are counselors that help relieve the stress people feel when they have a disease. So I have three potential career paths in health sciences: health services coordinator, clinical health specialist, or community health medical assistant. I am going to explore more because it’s so interesting. I also started reading the National Institutes of Health page on the coronavirus and it’s quite interesting. The National Institutes of Health says that they used an electron microscope to look at the SARS-CoV-2 which is the virus isolated from human cells that causes coronavirus symptoms. The National Institutes of Health states that the SARS-CoV-2 virus can last on aerosol, stainless steel and other surfaces for long periods of time (around thirty days) which is why if a person touches the surface that the virus is on there is a chance that they may get the coronavirus. Since the symptoms of coronavirus take 2-14 days to appear in a person, many people do not know that they have the symptoms which is why it has spread quite quickly.  SARS-CoV-2 stands for “severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2″ and it is the virus that is currently causing coronavirus outbreaks in the world. In 2002-2003, there was another virus called SARS-CoV-1 that caused the sars disease in China and scientists have found similarities between the sars disease and the current coronavirus disease. Since the sars disease has not been seen since 2004 due to intensive isolation measures and sanitation efforts, scientists are also asking people to practice social distancing and sanitation efforts as a way to control the coronavirus because they have found out that it is similar to the sars disease in 2004. The reason why scientists think that the coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2) is resulting in more cases than the sars disease (SARS-CoV-1) is that the coronavirus symptoms take longer to appear and people will go out and about when they don’t show symptoms and that since the coronavirus lasts on surfaces for a long period of time it spreads more quickly.

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New coronavirus stable for hours on surfaces” nih.gov March 17, 2020

Dear Anita

Due to precautions about the coronavirus, I don’t have gender therapist appointments for the month of March because people are practicing “social distancing” where people don’t talk in-person in closed spaces as a protective measure against coronavirus, so I won’t be able to make therapy appointments. There are currently no confirmed cases at Stockton University, but the campus is taking precautions as well by moving most interactions online until April 5th. The campus is still open, but most of the events are canceled until April 5th and some of the spaces where students gather are being closed. I am sad that the LGBTQ safe space on campus is being closed, but I have met many transgender people online through Facebook support groups and made some good friends. The career counselor that I emailed today showed me resources on how to map out a career path based on hobbies and interests and showed some online tutorials that were helpful that I am going to go through. I have an appointment with an academic advisor tomorrow online to talk about the fall semester classes and possible major options. I still prefer the Biochemistry path because I have been in it for 2.5 years and have gotten used to it. Most of the people I’ve connected with are Biochemistry and research people. My main focus is lessening the anxiety, finding more support even if it’s online and building up some resiliency so that I can handle the pressure at home. The Student Success Services program that I am a part of advisor told me that since I withdrew from classes this semester due to mental health issues I could file a medical withdrawal appeal.

So I withdrew from my classes on March 8th due to intense anxiety that made it difficult to focus on my mental health. I talked with the Student Success Services adviser over the phone on March 16th and said that I withdrew from my classes. They said that I can file a medical withdrawal appeal, but I was reading my school’s website for information on medical withdrawal appeals and I think that they are for students who are considering withdrawing from their courses due to medical reasons and not for students who have recently withdrew. Since I recently withdrew from my classes, I’m not sure if I can apply for a medical withdrawal appeal because it seems like that the medical withdrawal appeal is supposed to be filled before a student withdraws from classes and not after. But my adviser said that since I was seeing the counselors on campus during the semester and since I recently withdrew, I can still file a medical withdrawal appeal saying that the reason I withdrew was because of mental health even though the medical withdrawal appeal was filled out after I withdrew because normally I think it’s supposed to be filled before. And since I recently withdrew, the loan that I borrowed for my classes amount was returned making the balance that I owe $927.00 which puts a hold on my account. And according to the medical withdrawal appeal instructions on my school’s website the student is not eligible for a medical withdrawal appeal if they have holds on their account. So I contacted my advisor and financial aid and both said that I could still submit the medical withdrawal appeal and see what happens. I asked the financial aid office if the medical withdrawal appeal would have any effect on my financial aid and they said that they wouldn’t know until I filed the medical withdrawal appeal. I did tell financial aid that I had a hold on my account and wasn’t sure if that would affect the medical withdrawal appeal, they told me to just submit the medical withdrawal appeal and see. I checked with my advisor as well and they said the same thing. So after going around in circles, I decided to submit a medical withdrawal appeal and it is currently being reviewed. If it is approved, then I may be able to receive a refund for my classes. Not sure if it will affect the current balance I have on my account which is $927.00 that I owe. If the medical withdrawal appeal goes through and all the financial aid can be adjusted I might not have to pay the $927.00. But if it doesn’t go through then I think that I will have to pay the financial aid amount. Or maybe it will go through and I still will have to pay the amount because maybe loans are separate. I am keeping in contact with financial aid, sent an email to my loan servicer (GreatLakes company manages the loan), and am keeping my advisor posted as well. Also I am keeping the counselors at the Wellness Center posted because the counselor I used to see before withdrawing knew I was struggling with anxiety and today I signed a release form saying that I could release the information for my medical withdrawal appeal and that might be a form of documentation. Hope you have a good rest of the week Anita.

Dear Anita

I still have anxiety but it’s gotten a bit more manageable as I work on connecting to resources. I have an appointment with a gender therapist this upcoming Thursday March 12th. I also have a study group that is at 9am-11am on Wednesday 3/11 to help me work on building better study habits. Unfortunately I had to withdraw from Organic Chemistry because there was so much that I was working on that I couldn’t focus on the work. I likely won’t be able to access the counseling center, nutritionist or psychiatrist at Stockton since I am no longer currently enrolled in classes. I will still be able to partake in the support groups on campus though like the meditation group, anxiety group and the Transcendence group for transgender people because I am still a student and can go to the groups, but since I’m not in any classes I can’t have the other resources. I think that not being in classes will help me have time to work on my mental health because I will be able to spend time looking at resources. I can still spend time in the LGBTQ safe space on campus and go to the tutoring center at times to help me prepare for the fall 2020 semester. I did well in the fall 2019 semester with my classes, but this spring semester there was a lot of stresses and I was falling behind. At first, I was doing okay in my classes then I had to work on some car repairs since my car is my main transportation to campus and I started to fall behind in classes. I reached out to the professors and spent time in the tutoring center and was able to catch up. Then one of my LGBTQ friends attempted suicide and I was struggling so I reached out to the CARE program at Stockton which helped students struggling with mental health and the CARE program helped let my professors know that I was struggling. I also reached out to my mentor in Student Success Services to help me work on keeping up with the school work while also working with the CARE program on mental health. I managed to work through some things but there was still stresses. I decided to withdraw from genetics to give me more time to focus on Organic Chemistry and have a looser schedule and it worked for a while. However, as I was working on catching up, the tension between my parents and me got really intense and there were times when they were yelling at me a lot for the little things and I was feeling quite strained. I just felt like there was so much pressure this semester so that I decided to withdraw from all my classes. I think that I will spend the time talking with my advisors, working with the tutoring center, going to support groups and preparing for the fall 2020 semester. I don’t think that this spring semester was the best semester and I think that it’s time to work on building myself up for the fall 2020 semester. Hoping for advice, thank you.

One of my posts contained links so it might not have uploaded because I think that if a person adds links to their posts for reference, they need to be approved before it can be posted. So I decided to do that post in plaintext instead.
Before I explained my gender identity to my parents, I looked into any barriers that I might come across when I explained it to them and the main one was culture because they are deeply rooted in their Asian culture, so I researched the LGBTQ people in Asian culture especially transgender people to see how they were perceived to prepare myself.

I did some research on transgender people in China and discovered that most Asian societies have intense transphobia. There aren’t that many openly transgender people in Asian societies and 43% of people believe transgender people have a mental illness. In theater and performing arts history,  men often played the parts of women because women weren’t allowed to act on stage before 1978. There are many cases of actors cross-dressing when performing different scenes requiring different genders, but it seems like they were part of a performance rather than actually being transgender. The Beijing LGBT center created in 1990 (rennovated in 2003) combats discrimination against LGBT people and is the most recent advancement in equality. The internet became accessible to Beijing in 1998 and has helped LGBT people share their stories and connect with others. Also in 2016, a UN report listed only 15% of transgender people in China have come out to their families. But there is an estimate of 4 million people in China who are transgender. Some people also struggle with understanding the difference between gender, birth sex and sexual orientation and it is hard to explain to them. According to an article published by Chloe Sargeant on the results of a survey done by transgender people being accepted from Beijing LGBT Center says 90% transgender people’s families couldn’t accept who they are. Many others said that financial barriers kept them from seeking hormones or getting surgery, only 6% of people said they could access hormone therapy in China.

Wikipedia source

thediplomat.com source

China’s First Report on Trans and Gender Diverse People Paits a Heartbreaking Picture_ Chloe Sargeant online article

• This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by Janus.

Dear Anita

It is difficult when my parents were born in the 1960s and their traditional Asian culture didn’t acknowledge LGBTQ people, so they likely adopted the values of their culture. Same-sex marriage was just legalized in 1997 in Beijing (wikipedia) and LGBTQ people still have struggles in China. Although LGBTQ people have been around and documented since the Qing Dynasty (around 1644 and the first written record of the beginning of the Chinese empire), the LGBTQ community has been largely ignored by Chinese officials and many of them face persecution so they didn’t come out to anyone and it was largely hidden. According to wikipedia, the current Chinese president Xi Jinping isn’t really for the LGBTQ community either and although currently the situation has become better with more people tolerating LGBTQ people, Beijing is making progress but there is still a lot of opposition. I think that I read in an online article that the LGB community is gaining ground in acceptance because Beijing created the LGBTQ center around 2003. LGB people  are likely to be more readily accepted by people because lesbian, gay and bisexual deals with sexual attraction and people seem okay with the fact that people can be attracted to different people, but when it comes to gender people are more reluctant to realize that there are genders outside the binary of male and female because it seems like such a large concept.

Even though the LGB people  are gaining ground in China because of the new LGBTQ center in Beijing, there are still struggles and the transgender community has the most struggle since they are still largely opressed because many Asian cultures are Confucius which talks about family relationships and the higher status of the male so transgender people are looked down upon because they feel as if they don’t fit into a specific role for them.

Dear Anita

The counselor said that I would need to go through insurance to pick up prescriptions if the psychiatrist referred me to them. The thing is that the insurance I have is under my parents and I am afraid of having them find out if they receive a bill. I rather pay out-of-pocket if I can afford it. My parents found out about me using insurance to get labwork done once because I needed to go for labwork to check my health when I was recovering from anorexia and they yelled at me for spending money. They often think that mental health is mostly about willpower where if a person focuses on the positive they will power through and they don’t really need to go to therapy. They think that therapy is more of a luxury than a necessity which I disagree with. I called the insurance company today to see how I can check the costs of prescriptions and they said that it depends on the prescription name and type since there are some that are covered and there are some that aren’t covered so I would need to have the psychiatrist prescribe the medication first and then ask them about coverage. If it is not covered, there may be higher out of pocket costs, but there is a chance that the psychiatrist can help work out a sliding scale of what I may be able to pay based on the fact that I am a student who only makes a few bucks doing deliveries for my parents. Likewise, if the prescription isn’t covered and there is a chance that I can pay for it out of pocket then I will be able to get help for my anxiety without my parents knowledge. However if the insurance covers the prescription the costs will likely be lower, but there is a chance that if I go through the insurance my parents will find out. So I feel like I’m facing a problem with making the decision. I want to see the psychiatrist and I think medication would be helpful but I hope that my parents don’t find out or they will likely just emotionally hurt me by yelling at me.

Dear Anita

I am thinking of reaching out to other counselors nearby my hometown Brick, NJ because Stockton is in Galloway, NJ which is an hour away. Hoping  to find someone who isn’t too expensive because sometimes the private counselors are anywhere between $100-200. There is one counselor in Brick, NJ who helps with gender dysphoria and since I’m out of network for my insurance, she has a sliding scale for therapy sessions and the scale is $30-110, where I think I might be able to pay out-of-pocket if it’s in the $30-60 range. The counselor said that the only available appointments she has are in April, so I would have to wait. In the meantime I want to keep seeing the counselors at Stockton and also get involved in the Transcendence group on campus to meet other transgender people. I also reconnected with the nutritionist on campus because my anxiety sometimes makes me not really feel hungry and other times I will feel really hungry so I’m hoping that she can help provide tips on how to be healthy in eating with anxiety. I am feeling really stressed because working through my mental health has caused me to feel quite tired at times and there are times when I just feel really emotional and will start crying. I just feel like I’m falling apart and working on building myself up by working through my emotions that are really intense. Having my parents yell at me saying that I am only acting like this because it’s all because of the thoughts in my mind and saying that I am not meant to be a scientist is quite straining. I enjoy science but working on my mental health can take a lot out of me and I find that I might have to take a break from academics. I am thinking of dropping Organic Chemistry as well because I just don’t have the mental power to focus on it. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow at Stockton and I am going to talk with my counselor about the stresses. I just feel like I’m under a lot of pressure and my parents aren’t making it any better. Sometimes when I’m driving to college, I am aware of the road but I drive in a haze not really feeling in touch with my surroundings. I feel lost in anxiety. I don’t really daydream much, it’s mostly at night when I start seeing shadows because of the darkness and my stress. When I do daydream or get lost in thought, I am still aware of the world around me and I know that the daydream is just my mind bringing up past memories. Sometimes I will start crying because I will remember a past memory and I will get lost in it. I just feel like I’m done trying because I’m just so tired and feeling like I’m not sure if I even exist in life sometimes like things just feel like a haze and I just feel like I’m falling apart not sure how to mend and I realize I need help so I want to keep the counselors at Stockton but I feel like if I withdraw from Organic Chemistry I will not be enrolled in any classes and I won’t be able to seek counseling because counseling appointments are likely for enrolled students.

Dear Anita

I have been seeing the counselors at Stockton and there are psychiatrists on campus who may provide medications for anxiety. There is also a nutritionist who helps students plan healthy meals so that they have balanced energy levels throughout the day. Organic Chemistry lecture class is okay, it’s the labs that take time and since my anxiety makes me shake and makes it hard to focus sometimes I will have to miss lab classes. The anxiety has caused my heart to race, shortness of breath, feeling brain haze and sometimes zoning out, feeling extremely self-conscious, feeling warm all of a sudden and after a while feeling cold because I expended lots of energy. I also feel shaky when walking, will cry easily, feel like I don’t want to get out of bed sometimes or that it would be better to just fall asleep and not wake up, have a stomach that tends to churn and rumble because of the anxiety (sometimes after eating I feel uncomfortably full even though I only ate a little or I just don’t feel hungry at times and then after a long time my body feels really hungry because I haven’t eaten and after I eat I feel bloated and stomach pain). Also I have been breaking out in more acne because of the anxiety. Recently I just healed from an ear infection because of anxiety. I just feel like I’m losing myself and don’t know how to live anymore because I just feel exhausted and wish I could just fade away and let go of the pain because it’s taking over my life. My parents will yell at me saying that it’s just me thinking this way and if I could change my thoughts I would be okay and they think that I have nothing to be anxious about. I just feel like I’m afraid of myself currently and starting to feel detached and lately I’ve been having trouble falling asleep and tossing and turning. I’m still slightly afraid of the dark, because my mind sees patterns of shadows and ghosts but I know that they aren’t real and it’s just my mind being more alert because it is dark outside. I think there’s a term called hypnagogic hallucinations where a person will see shadows or ghosts in the darkness or before they wake because their minds tend to try to make patterns to try to understand how they are feeling or what they think they will see and in the dark or moments before waking up the brain is not fully aware so there is a peripheral sense that causes people to be aware of certain patterns and shapes and then when they fully wake they know that what they saw isn’t real because it fades away. It is often due to stress that causes people to have hypnagogic hallucinations because stress can strain the mind but people after being initially startled become aware and they know it isn’t real. It is a common part of sleep paralysis and often it is caused by lots of mental stress because the body is stressed and wants to sleep but the mind is still anxious so you have an in-between state where you are semi-aware and that is where the person starts experiencing things. Hope this makes sense. Thank you for being here and listening. Hoping to hear from you.