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shoob

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • #387659
    shoob
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    It’s great to read back from you too! And thank you for clarifying the buddhist teachings as well, my knowledge is quite superficial at the moment only really garnering knowledge from youtube/google searches.

    And yes I believe you’re correct, my parents put a lot of value on studies/achieving/succeeding and even when I would get good marks I would be happy with me, they would sometimes be upset if it was not up to their standards (particularly my mother) – i love my parents though and I understand where they were coming from, but yes it seems like there has been some unintended consequences on my mental health later down the road…

    And yes I believe you are correct, the fact that I have only conditional love myself has very likely stemmed from my childhood and parental figures (something I never really considered) – and oh that’s also very interesting I would love to hear more about your experiences with body dysmorphia and OCD as well (or was it also related to your tall height which you mentioned previously?)

    Ah, when you say healing on tiny buddha,  is that providing help and guidance to others? (i.e. giving to others helps your own mental health). Also that is great that you’re feeling less afraid, I hope this feeling becomes more regular for you. And thank you for sharing the meditation aspect as well – (I’ve been trying to meditate more frequently but find it so hard to slow down and do nothing). Sometimes I believe these negative thoughts of ours cant be ‘out-thunk’ and just need to exercise/meditate/see people.

    Shoob

    #387481
    shoob
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I’m going okay thank you for asking and really appreciate the follow up- I can’t believe it’s been 1 month since we were talking/discussing this topic, time just flies haha. In terms of my thoughts on this, it’s gotten a little bit better, but sometimes I still get a bit obsessed (googling other celeb’s my height, measuring myself constantly throughout the day and comparing my height to others + objects). I’ve been considering seeing counselling to discuss this (I was thinking this is potentially height dysmorphia/OCD) but I made a mini breakthrough recently by questioning why I want to be taller/why I’m not satisfied with my height – it is to do with feeling that people will not respect me/love me with my current height – but I’ve been reading a bit of buddhism/stoic teachings that talk about how desire is the root of suffering.

    So I’m trying to reduce my desire of wanting respect/love from others, and just be content with what I have and realise external factors/things will not make me ‘happy’ nor is there ever a state of permanent ‘happiness’, I’m starting to realise this mindset of wanting ‘more’ is not conducive to good health  (which is a lot easier said that done) – I’m trying to catch my negative thoughts and replace it with ‘I do not need this to be happy etc. etc.)’ and ‘no one is thinking about me/cares about me as much i think they do – they are thinking about themselves, everyone sees themselves as the main character so are not worrying much about me’.

    Overall the height insecurity thoughts are still there, but it has been a little bit less frequent which makes me happy 🙂 (it’s a long never-ending journey hey).

    How are you Anita and how is your mental health at the moment? Any highlights/lowlights you would like to share or goals you are striving for? Also out of curiosity, do you meditate (and if so what is your practice/routine like)? I find meditation very difficult to keep as a regular practice haha.

    I also really appreciate the follow up too.

    Shoob

    #386408
    shoob
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you very much for the detailed response, I also just wanted to say I really appreciate your response and this discussion as I’ve always been too embarrassed to share this height insecurity in real life – so thank you.

    And yes you make very good points about the studies – I should not take so much stock in them.

    And yes also very good point on the themes of inferiority – I just need to learn to get better at accepting that I cannot change other’s perspective of me and to just go about my day. I will also try to stop this habit of comparison.

    I’ll keep trying to work on this comparison habit and hopefully learn to not only accept my height but be proud of it as well. Hopefully one day…

    And thank you for sharing as well Anita, I hope you feel better about your height now as well, societal expectations/valuations of our physical attributes can feel very frustrating/depressing at times.

    I just wanted to finally say thank you so much for responding in such a caring and detailed fashion, you are a very kind soul and I really appreciate it 🙂

    Shoob

     

     

    #386382
    shoob
    Participant

    I’m not too sure if there is a specific moment before I went to school, but there were times when I experienced racism as a young child from other children and really started to hate being asian. I really wanted to fit in the Western society I was in and I longed to be white though I have overcome that now and am proud to be asian.

    And while this feeling of not being enough height started a bit in high school, it’s really started to consume me again now in my current adult working life. Perhaps recently I have been going on the internet too much and watching videos of all these ‘height matters’ videos and learning of too many studies essentially saying being a shorter male is an overall negative thing making me feel bad about myself.

    Have you ever experienced some similar things anita about aspects of yourself you couldn’t change that you didnt’ like?

    #386380
    shoob
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

     

    Thank you for the response and I believe it’s my first true obsession, but previously it’s been my nature to identify lacking traits in myself and work hard at ‘fixing’/improving them (e.g. studies, sports, getting better at hobbies) – but I’m struggling to deal with this ‘lacking’ trait as it seems there is nothing I can do – I just feel less masculine/deserving of respect and love because of this trait and I don’t know how to get rid of it or stop believing it… literally looking up to people all the time is difficult for my mental as it feels like I am lesser than them in that moment.

    Shoob

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)