Hi Patty,

How are you feeling?

I found myself in this position before. Years ago, I was in a relationship and it was very toxic but loving. After we broke up I did not feel comfortable being single. First, it was because I wanted to beat him to the punch and show him that I can be happy without him. Than, it formed into me believing that I moved on and was ready to be in another relationship when I was not. Part of the reason why many of us jump into relationships as quickly as we do is because we have a void that we are experiencing and look to others to fill. Through reflecting and trial and error is where we find what those voids are. Through seeing and understanding those voids for what they are we can limit feeding them by turning to others. We can also limit attracting those we attract with those voids we have. For example, my void is confirmation and vulnerability. I look to date men who will define who or what I think I am – when they treat me well I think lovely things about myself and when they treat me with disrespectful I do not think kindly of myself. I also force them to be vulnerable with me because I struggle with intimacy and through these two voids I often welcome emotionally unavailable, and sometimes abusive men to me.

I hope this can give you something to think about.

Gagan,

I hope my message finds you well. I ask that before you respond to our replies reach out to this helpline, only if you feel comfortable. Here is the number: 1-800-784-2433, these people are extremely helpful and I often use their services. This service is free and you do not have to reveal who you are, just allow them to be your sounding board. Now back to the discussion at hand, by the tone of things it sounds as if you have a deep love and care for this woman and she shares the same point of view, she also definitely values your opinion too. But take a step back and read everything that you have written… you have pushed her away and only you know why. Pushing her away is not a bad or a good deed on your end, but you must understand the reality of why you did it to begin with before your life changing event. Were you scared to be with her? did you feel as if you had no right? these are just examples of what you may have felt. However, I encourage you to reflect on this before professing how you feel about her, if you choose to do so.

Sending love to you.