October 21, 2017 at 6:10 am #174075
Well I’ve been struggling with depression for a few months now. I just feel so lost and empty inside. I can’t make long conversation with people because I feel so unhappy about myself inside. I have low self confidence. Dealing with chronic thrush also has ruined my self confidence. As I’m trying to get rid of the condition but it’s so persistent. It makes me uncomfortable in my own body.
I feel like I don’t have many to talk to. I don’t even talk to my mum. In the past she emotionally and verbally abused me. That also ruined my self confidence.
I feel uncomfortable living with my dad and his ‘partner/girlfriend’. Every thing just feels ‘off’. I feel like a constant outsider. I just feel out of place even when I come ‘home’ to them.
I don’t know what to do. I feel completely empty inside. I said to my dad tonight ‘I feel like no one cares’ and he got so upset that I mentioned that. And started saying stuff like ‘you are doing what your mum did to me now!!’ Etc etc. ‘you think your mature but you have the brain of a five year old.. you are so rude!’
I don’t make much conversation because I don’t know how to anymore. I feel deep inside ‘what’s the point’ when I feel so crap.
I don’t know what to do.
Victoria.October 21, 2017 at 7:10 am #174089
So sorry you are feeling so low. I think it really helps to write feelings out, and please know what you are feeling is valid! I, too, suffer from depression, and low self esteem. Its a very tough go. But, thanks to the internet, at least we can share our thought with others who can relate, and also, there are tons of great resources. Read, read, read everything you can to help yourself to deal with your depression. After years of suffering, i finally told my dr what i was feeling, and she prescribed me an anti depressant, which made a huge difference. Still suffer from depression, but am able to handle the feelings better. Come here often, and talk to us here. We are listening!Hugs!!October 21, 2017 at 11:51 am #174123
You weren't rude to your father for sharing with him how you felt, like no one cared. And indeed, his response is congruent with the belief that he doesn't care. A caring response would have been to ask you to elaborate, to tell him more, and for him to listen attentively and with empathy.
This is what I can offer to do here, to read what you write attentively and to respond with empathy, to communicate to you that your feelings matter, that you matter.
* Will be away from the computer for the next 17 hours or so.
anitaOctober 23, 2017 at 6:45 pm #174495
<li style=”text-align: left;”>Hi Victoria,
My family treated me the same way. Remember, it's the way they feel about themselves, not you. Your father gives you all he is able, because he was probably not given much as a child. Sometimes, parents don't know how much their words can hurt, and remember, “hurt people, hurt people” we often hurt the ones we love. I have had strangers kinder to me than my own family. When my family found out I had mental illness with a severe “diagnosis” it did not matter, how nice of a person I was, how giving, etc, all they saw was the stigma and label and cut me out of their lives, even when I am in intensive therapy and meds. Go where the sunshine is. Your father is not sunshine, he is clouds right now. You need to be around a supportive network of loving people who understand depression, a caring Psychotherapist, medication. There is hope, there is help and there are caring people out there.October 24, 2017 at 5:58 pm #174691
I am sorry on behalf of your father that speaking your truth was so difficult for him. Unfortunately, most people do not know how to react in ways that are not offensive when a person comes forth and says, “Hey, I am not okay”. I am no expert but maybe you can consider my suggestions to helping you find a way to combat this. How fond are you of journaling? I would suggest writing down things you would like to do/things that have make you happy.
For me, on my happy list I wrote: reading book, writing in forums, and taking long, nature walks. Than incorporate this in your routine slowly. Afterwards, reflect on why you feel depressed, what triggers your depression and are there any resolutions to this? You mentioned you feel lost and alone with no one to talk to! Well, you have internet forums where you can reach out and escape your reality a bit, but what about seeing a therapist? I frequent them in the past and surprisingly it helped.
I wish you the best!