I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years. He lives 120 miles away from me. I’m 42 he’s 45. At the beginning this man was wonderful charming and adored me. He bought me flowers every week and teddies and told me very early on how much he loved me. That I was beautiful and everything else wonderful I wanted to hear. Wow I thought this is too good to be true. There was something not right from the start as I see now but I chose to ignore them. I was too inlove with this charmer to see the woods for the trees. He promised that he would come to live with me and my 2 sons from a previous relationship. He never did. I kept asking him and he kept making different excuses all the time. I noticed that he told lots of lies. To begin with it was his name, I found out the truth myself. At first he told me he had 3 grown up sons, 6 months into the relationship he confessed he had a further 2, all with the same woman. He also told me he worked somewhere different, I found out myself a year into the relationship, I should of ended it then, but of course I didn’t because I was hooked. Because of the distance it took longer to get to know this man. We got engaged after 9 months. He said he wanted people to see that I was with someone. After about 2 and half years the real him started to emerge. My dad wasn’t well so me and my sister had to start looking after him and my mum, she is in a wheelchair so they both needed a lot of help. It was only temporary, but he hated the fact that I couldn’t go down and see him. He wasnt the centre of attention. This different side of him I wasn’t liking.
More and more weird behaviour came out. He never had any empathy for me. He would lie an awful lot. He would beef himself up so much I felt sick just listening to ehim. He tried to tell me what to do and what not to do. I couldn’t go out with friends. He tried to control me from 120miles away. I started to realise that this man was no longer making me happy. He was making me unhappy. He wanted to see texts in my phone. On 2 occasions he put the blunt side of the bread knife to my throat and said that if I do anything across him that is what I’ll get. I asked him to stop it and he said take a laugh I’m only joking.
He always tells me he’s the best man I’ll ever get and that I’d miss him.. He has grabbed my ears in rage and shouted in my face. I was scared. He makes comments about me like ooh you have a big nose, ooh you have a big bum,ooh you have lines around ur mouth, when I ask him to stop he says take a joke.
When I ended it once he got a woman to call my phone telling me to leave him alone as he’s not interested anymore. He won’t tell me who that was.
I realise that I wanted out of this relationship. Up to date I have ended it about 10 times and he keeps coming back. But wen I end it he gets very nasty horrible and evil. He sends horrible texts and letters saying that he has met another woman and that I have a body like crime watch but a face like bay watch. And that it’s poor me that I have lost a very good man and that I’ll regret it Then he will ring me saying he loves me and that he needs me and that wants me back. Wen we get back I ask him about the texts and letter, he says they’re not true it’s just because he’s so angry and raged. He says I’d rather do that than kill someone.. It’s his way of getting the anger out. I have been attending a counsellor to try to help me understand why I keep going back to this awful toxic relationship and I have just realised I am codependant.
So I am going to do work on me,now I understand how I got into this relationship and why I keep getting hooked.
I just couldn’t understand myself and the addiction. Now i do. I haven’t off him in 2 days. So hopefully I won’t again. I have to be strong and never contact him again omg I’m sorry this is so long but I could write a book about it.
He’s made me anxious walking on eggshells,scared,my head is fogged. No confidence. Exhausted drained. God he’s damaged me.
He’s says I’m a nasty and vile and good look to any an who gets me.
Help!!