Need help :

i was one of the kids my teachers used to describe as a role model.. i was average in everything and felt good about it .. when i was out of college i got job in an MNC a dream job for many of my classmates.. but i was not into it. but i joined it out of sorry state of my classmates who were struggling for a job and i worked in that MNC for 2 years.. i alys had the feeling that this was not for me and finally after 2 years i had enough and left the job for appearing for a highly competitive government job. I had to prepare for at least a year before i can even pass the 1st stage so i started to attend some coaching for the same.. I was confident and had dreams of flying high and i was sure in a year i will crack it .. at that time i met with this beautiful girl in my class and needless to say i fell in love with her. .. after some months our exam was near and one fine day she broke up with me just like that with excuses like her parents wont approve me .. ..
when i was with her i was trying extra hard to crack the exam as i was of the opinion that if i get thru them we can actually have a good future.. but when she left like that abruptly she drained me out of that motivation and all the hope i had and i was no more than a mere cluster of living tissues.
i had no hope and no ambition .. i spent my entire time in bed without meeting another living creature for spans as lengthy as a month.. i was drained of my dreams and my hopes and i had no feeling left.. i tried to win her back and she behaved like she never had anythign for me at all and it was all a passing fantasy for her. . .

now i stand very close to my exams and i know i wont pass with just 1 month to prepare adn now i dont even have any confidence left in me to think of a backup plan if i dont crack it up..

i never believed somebody who u knew for no more than a couple of months could crush u like this..

now i hate myself and i dont wasnt to live another day as i know its going to be the same feeling of being lonely and miserable tomorrow morning also ..