Hi Karen

I am sorry that you find yourself in this state. Inky is spot on again with her observations.

Learn the lesson and move forward with pride.

Inkyyyyyyyyy, who are you woman ? Your posts always put a huge smile on my face. Thankkkkkk youuuuuuuu sooooooo much. You are a gem.

Jasmine

😉

You’re “on call” yourself, yes?

• This reply was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Inky.

More like “of the call” IMHO.

Karen,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand the intensity of pain when dreams collapse suddenly. The heart isn’t through loving, and yet the circumstances change rapidly, leaving an incredible tension… feelings wild, bouncing between longing and hatred, shame and love, and the anger…. whooo doggy, the anger. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Consider that your heart suffered a wound, and as it bleeds, thoughts and emotions spring out, blerting as pressure builds. The phone call, vindictiveness, wanting him to “pay”. All normal, usual, and nothing to be ashamed of. It reminds me of one of those cooking shows, where people are given weird ingredients and told to make something gourmet. You have a bunch of crap ingredients, and so don’t be harsh with yourself for what comes up. You’re OK, dear sister, from crown to root… and perhaps with some strategies, you can stop this pain dead in its tracks. Frankly, your tender heart has been through enough bullshit because of its connection to him.

Consider a zen-like approach to your pain. Perhaps you’ve noticed that as the feelings build, it is like a pressure inside. Much like needing to throw up after eating some bad chicken, sitting with the rotten pieces he offered you builds up a pressure. Instead of vindictive behavior, such as more face booking (genius by the way, though a little cruel, understandably) or phone calls… consider laying in bed,burying your face in a pillow and screaming. Flail your arms and legs, curse, wail. Get it out, don’t let his shit wind you up…his lack of tenderness,honesty, compassion… suddenly dropping you like you don’t matter, sexing his wife the whole fucking time… its bullshit. Instead of cycling with it, get it out. Not “poor me”, not “I’m so ashamed”… but “alright universe, I’m done with this shit, take it back! Ahhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh. Out! Out! Not mine!”

If you really let your body get into it, the pressure will go, and you’ll be left with your grief. The tender maiden, longing for her prince, finding out he was a villain the whole time. That part of you needs gentle care. Bathtub time,with candles and soft music. Walks in nature, letting momma earth reach out to you through her trees and birdsong and water, comforting her daughter. Slowly, delicately, like a tree shedding leaves in the fall,the pain of heart will fall away from you, and there you will remain, shining. Said differently, of course it hurts, but you have nothing to be ashamed of. Matters of heart are tricky, and you did the best you could with the information you had. Don’t let his karma, his choices, taint your self image. You’re very clearly, obviously, beautiful, and even at your worst, when your pain was deepest, your choices reflect a deeply loving being. Amazing.

Namaste, dear sister, may your heart heal well as the tears and minutes fall behind you.

With warmth,
Matt

Inky,

The cushion said “she misunderstood a compliment, then spit out some ink stains”. The earth doesn’t call to the sun to shine, the sun just shines. On call to what? You are the universe too, sunshine.

With warmth,
Matt

Inky,

Then why do your smiles come out with the aggression of bared teeth? I think you’re great. God and I are buddies. Goddess and I are buddies. Said differently, huh? Projection? You brushed your teeth long ago, I’m over it, are you? You’re a staaaaaaaaaaaar.

Sometimes a sheep has a wolf inside, and sometimes a sheep really is a sheep. Baaaahhh. Your call, sister. I’m your fan either way. Go Team Inky!

With warmth,
Matt

Need help :

i was one of the kids my teachers used to describe as a role model.. i was average in everything and felt good about it .. when i was out of college i got job in an MNC a dream job for many of my classmates.. but i was not into it. but i joined it out of sorry state of my classmates who were struggling for a job and i worked in that MNC for 2 years.. i alys had the feeling that this was not for me and finally after 2 years i had enough and left the job for appearing for a highly competitive government job. I had to prepare for at least a year before i can even pass the 1st stage so i started to attend some coaching for the same.. I was confident and had dreams of flying high and i was sure in a year i will crack it .. at that time i met with this beautiful girl in my class and needless to say i fell in love with her. .. after some months our exam was near and one fine day she broke up with me just like that with excuses like her parents wont approve me .. ..
when i was with her i was trying extra hard to crack the exam as i was of the opinion that if i get thru them we can actually have a good future.. but when she left like that abruptly she drained me out of that motivation and all the hope i had and i was no more than a mere cluster of living tissues.
i had no hope and no ambition .. i spent my entire time in bed without meeting another living creature for spans as lengthy as a month.. i was drained of my dreams and my hopes and i had no feeling left.. i tried to win her back and she behaved like she never had anythign for me at all and it was all a passing fantasy for her. . .

now i stand very close to my exams and i know i wont pass with just 1 month to prepare adn now i dont even have any confidence left in me to think of a backup plan if i dont crack it up..

i never believed somebody who u knew for no more than a couple of months could crush u like this..

now i hate myself and i dont wasnt to live another day as i know its going to be the same feeling of being lonely and miserable tomorrow morning also ..