Thank you for your responses.

I agree that I need to invest the work to make sure that our relationship strikes a healthier balance, and so that I don’t place such an emphasis on this being my means of support and happiness.

Taking some of the pressure off the way that we interact and spend time with each other might be a good answer – in the back of my mind, I just worry that this approach will cause us to drift apart but, again, this is just me being insecure about our relationship.

I will make sure I take a step away, acknowledge and rationalise my feelings before reacting to them in future. That can be easier said that done in the heat of a moment, but it’s important I make an effort to communicate in a healthy way.

Thanks for the advice – hopefully things become easier. We’re looking to move to the same place within the next year. 🙂

Thank you so much for all of your kind responses, especially Rock Banana for your detailed thoughts. It’s much appreciated.

Hopefully in time, I’ll be okay – but I have now started seeking some professional support. The other thing to say is that I turned 25 this year, and just feel acutely aware of the fact that my ‘care-free’ twenties are running away from me…I’m scared of losing my youth and missing out on opportunities due to my anxiety…but I suppose there is no slow way to overcome it and I just have to keep going.

I hope to start building up a social network soon, I’ve just forgotten how to talk to people…and because I’m not doing anything outside of worrying about things, I feel like I have nothing to say to people.

A vicious cycle…but I’ll keep my head up and keep moving on. As for relocating…the place I’m thinking of moving to is London…I’ve wanted to live there for so long now, but am not sure if I might just get there and be completely overwhelmed…

maybe I should just be brave and do it.

Thanks for the advice and support 🙂

• This reply was modified 8 years, 1 month ago by Sophia.

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your response – yes, that’s correct.

There’s a group of three other girls – I reached out to each of them individually and apologised for my absence since we graduated, explaining that I had been battling with depression and anxiety which had led me to isolate myself from other people.

They all responded and it was left that we would arrange to meet up some time – but this weekend I’ve seen photos of the group all over social media having met up but not invited me. As I say, this really hurt my feelings.

My instinct tells me that these are not the actions of true, supportive friends. I was contemplating calling them out on their behaviour, but perhaps it’s just better to let go, accept they’ve moved on and do the same too?

Thank you to everyone else did your lovely responses, btw!! I will reply more fully later 🙂 x

Hi Anita,

Thank you for your response:

When I was about 5, I had a serious illness which left me with some very prominent scars across my whole body. I didn’t think much of them as a small child, but once I reached my teenage years they began to become more of an issue for me and from here I developed some issues with my confidence/ body-image and began to become quite introverted.

In school my peers were not very nice to me because I was quiet and not ‘conventionally attractive’ and so I become even further isolated. It’s become part of a vicious circle which has affected my whole life and I’m not sure what I can do to gain some help.

🙂

So, update on this. I think I’ve made a terrible mistake.

Basically – I panicked about my current job contract ending so quickly and decided that I would try to give living in this city another go…so I applied for a job with the same company, in a different department and in a role in which I felt that I would be much more suited.

Having subsequently been offered the job…I accepted. The job will be great experience (though the salary is very low), the contract is only for 6 months and career-wise, I will be in a much better position to pursue other opportunities once I have finished my term. Having said that, basically as soon as I had accepted, I knew that I had made a mistake.

On the one-hand…it’s only 6 months. on the other hand… it is six more months of living in a place in which I am really, really miserable. I have no connections here and I spend all of my time wishing that I was somewhere else. I just hate this city with a burning passion. I love the company, but it’s not enough and I just don’t think I can take another six-months of being here.

My issue is that I accepted the job about 10 days ago now (nothing has been signed) and from a professional point of view, I know that it is such bad etiquette to turn down a job so late after the offer has been made. The other candidates will have been declined, and there will already have been considerable time and effort spent on the recruitment process. I don’t want to sour relations, but I just cannot take this job. What should I do? It’s really popular place to work and I am confident that they could easily find another candidate…or I could just try to stick it out for six months. Life is too short to be miserable, though.

All of this could have been avoided if I had just trusted myself better to make the right decision. I just feel so stuck and now I’m wasting other people’s time because of my indecision. What can I do to rectify this situation?

Help!!

I think that it always feels like you’re the only one going through whatever it is you’re going through at the time. But it’s quite comforting to remember that there’s always going to be someone, somewhere, who’s experienced exactly the same things as you have…and come out the other side again. 🙂

Still tough at times though!

🙂