You mentioned you are on OKCupid, and that you were willing to give out your username for critiques. I think I read some posts of yours in the OKCupid Forum – or else someone who writes just like you. I have a couple of comments, and then a suggestion — a proposed experiment.

I think online dating is a great medium for you, because you write so well. You don’t just “write well” — you express yourself well, too. Many people can do one, but not the other. If you’re less able to express yourself in person that online, maybe you could start with online relationships, that may or may not ever go into the real world. I know you’re in a hurry, but the fact is, you’re unlikely to marry the first person you ever go on a date with. That’s true for all of us. Even if you do “deserve” something, that’s no guarantee you’ll get it, and it doesn’t mean you won’t have to work for it. So let’s get you on the road to some eventual first dates.

I have sort of a silly profile on there (www.okcupid.com/profile/vankadadanka) — maybe it will just irritate you, I don’t know. But I think you should write me, and we can write back and forth, and I’ll tell you where I think you might go wrong. We could discuss some profiles you like or don’t like, too, and see what your approach is. Does that sound worthwhile to you?

I do want to say, though, that you seem quite unwilling to really consider new ideas or change your approach or your thinking. You keep mentioning people who don’t deserve love who have love. Well, so what? That shows you that being deserving is neither a requirement nor a guarantee for finding love, so there’s no point in dwelling on it. I think you need to acknowledge that there is something you are doing that is not working, and that you’ll have to change something. Will you be open to that? Even if you’re right about something and the world is wrong, pragmatically speaking, you may have to try what you’re sure is the “wrong way.” The world will not be changing for you, you will have to change for it.

And one more thought here. You talk about what you need and want and deserve. If there’s someone out there for you, she will also want and need and deserve love. This love will have to come from you. Everything you want to come into your life will have to be provided by you for that other person. And she won’t be your perfect person at all. She will be flawed – you’ll have to accept flaws that are different from yours, flaws that annoy you, and try to love her anyway, because that is what you are asking of her too.
I don’t know your user name, so write enough that I can tell it’s you. (Not just “Hey” or “Hello”) And I have this feeling that you do not smile in any of your photos. You MUST smile in some photos.

Hope to hear from you soon, either here or there!