Julia,

I have been a pot smoker for nearly 15 years and I´m finally coming to terms with the negative effects it has had on my life, my anxiety, my relationships and self-esteem. It feels great to be high, at least for the first 30 minutes. You relax, feel numb and can easily forget all the problems and feelings you´d rather not deal with. It allows you to slip into sedation and put your life and personal growth on hold.

I have quit several times, but each time I thought I could smoke once in a while as long as I stopped doing it every day. Problem is when life comes down on you, it´s an easy way to take that stress away and before you know it, you´re smoking every day again. I have quit for many months and started back again because I thought I was ready to be a casual smoker. We are all different, but for me it never worked.

In the last few weeks I have had to accept that being a stoner ruined my relationship. Not because my girlfriend had an issue with me smoking, but because of who I became as a stoner. I haven´t been taking care of myself, and to most people that is very unattractive. The times of day when I don´t smoke I´m irritable, anxious, depressed and self-loathing. Its hard to blame someone for not wanting to be around that.

So My advice to you is quit smoking, cold turkey. The first week will be hard… Your mind will be racing and you´ll experience anxiety. Believe me when I say thought that this will get much better with time. I´m only two weeks in now of sobriety, and with exercise and good friends around me, I feel more emotionally grounded and more connected to the people and world around me. I know lots of “functioning” smokers, and I have been one of them. They all keep their jobs, manage their lives ok and go about their day.
But just like I was, they are living in a bubble where time stand still and life just zooms right past them. Life is a short experience, and you don´t want to wake up one day realizing you have deprived yourself of all the wonderful feelings of pride, accomplishment, connectedness to other people and truly knowing yourself.