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  • in reply to: how to mend my broken heart?? #105722
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    Participant

    Hi Susannah,

    Thank you for you post! I’m living and feeling very similar emotions. Every minute of the day I think about him, and it has been over 3 months since he left me. My anxiety is destroying my life. During the week, I’m only able to sleep for a few hours a night and during the weekend I take sleeping pills to waste away my free time. Most days I’m filled with an overwhelming feeling of dread and thoughts of death are actually soothing. I’m unsure how I’ll survive my broken heart. I feel intensely lonely and I’m very fearful of my future. I’m seeing a therapist, but those sessions seem quite useless. Like you, I still try to exercise and socialize, but even then he’s always on my mind. Every day I think about contacting him, hoping that he’s missing me and regretting his decision to leave. But, somehow I have the sanity to realize that he’s probably moved on and wouldn’t respond to me anyway. So Susannah, I have no words of wisdom, or strategies to cope. Just know that you are definitely not alone in your struggles. I feel insanely lost and the pain can be debilitating. Please post back.

    in reply to: can't find another solution #104717
    D
    Participant

    We are all listening to you. Please do not feel desperate.

    And for what it’s worth, I highly doubt that he is happy. I suspect that he lives with the constant fear and intense anxiety that his wife will find out about his affair. The second honeymoon is only his way of trying to diminish his fears. He is quite desperate to hide his actions from his wife. He is very very VERY far from being happy. You have the power and privilege to walk away from this mistake. He, however, must live with his mistake EVERY SINGLE DAY when he looks at his wife. You’re the lucky one, not him.

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #100089
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    Participant

    Well, it’s been a tough day. It’s becoming very real that I’m never hearing from him again. My heart is broken and my self-esteem is destroyed. I know I should be exercising or doing yoga, but I’m having a difficult time getting off the couch. I keep imagining that he’s happily going on with his life as though I never existed. Perhaps he’s pleased that he made such a ‘clean’ break from me after 2 years of being together.

    I want to contact him one last time, but I restrain myself because of the great likelihood that I’ll be ignored (rejected) again. I’m pretty sure my fragile self can’t take any more abuse.

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #100045
    D
    Participant

    All of you very kind and your supportive words are valued. I know it will take time to trust again and I must be gentle with myself. I am very sad and I so desperately want to reach out to him and soothe his worries about our relationship. I know having those thoughts are ridiculous, but I can’t just turn off my feelings for him.

    I completely agree with Mishy that closure will likely occur from within myself, and not via a formal good-bye with him.

    I’m still very much in the hurting stage. Right now, eating properly, getting enough rest, keeping active and surrounding myself with friends and family are my priorities. I’m very sad.

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #100044
    D
    Participant

    Hi Anita, I have yet to call him. I simply don’t have the strength (or courage) to contact him right now. Who knows if he’ll even respond! I feel completely rejected and used. How long was he ‘faking’ his feelings for me? How long was he really just lying to me?

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #100043
    D
    Participant

    I wish you never had to experience being ‘ghosted’ ChristinemarieA. It’s such a TERRIBLE feeling to be left so vulnerable and with so many unanswered questions. Hmmm, it’s really a form of abuse. I hope with each day, you become stronger. Happiness will return 🙂

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #100042
    D
    Participant

    Thank you so very much cocolumbine. Don’t apologize for a lengthy response – you provided some valuable insight. I have written an email to him (and rewritten it several times). I’m unsure if I’ll ever send it – what’s the point? It’s clear that he has no intention of contacting me. It was an exhausting day, but the evenings and nights are the worst! Last night, I woke up feeling panicky and anxious, and my mind was racing with thoughts of him and missing him. Of course I wonder what I did that was so horrible to deserve this treatment, but in reading your post, you helped me realize that this was his easy and ‘efficient’ way to end a relationship.

    I’ll admit that I’m still in a state of denial and can’t believe that he really wants me out of his life. I’m such a mix of emotions right now: sad, angry, hurt.

    I appreciate your kind words cocolumbine and will definitely try to be gentle with myself. I agree that going for a run and getting outdoors will only serve to improve my mood.

    I too am sorry that you have experienced the pain and anxiety of being “ghosted”. I wish you all the best!

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #99934
    D
    Participant

    Thank you for your support!! It’s much needed right now. I will call him – tomorrow. It’s quite late here, and I’m emotionally exhausted. I can’t even think straight. Hopefully I can get some sleep. I’ll post back tomorrow.

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #99926
    D
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for your response. No, he has NEVER cut contact before. Even when we would have a disagreement over the phone, he would always always contact me within a few hours with an apology or asking if we could talk. And in person, we never left upset with each other. I`m at a complete loss at trying to understand his current behaviour. Maybe he has met someone?? And if that’s the case, wouldn’t it be easy to say good-bye to me if he already has a replacement? Perhaps he wanted to give ME a reason to leave HIM??

    in reply to: Ghosted…..Help me seek closure. #99919
    D
    Participant

    Update: thank you for your responses. Well, I blocked by number (so he couldn’t see my number on caller ID) and gave him a phone call. He picked up and said hello. I immediately hung up. I’m literally shaking right now. I can’t formulate any thoughts to have a conversation with him. After more than 2 years, he just cuts all communication with me. I feel sick to my stomach. My heart is beating so fast. What do I do?? How do I get through this????

    in reply to: Looking for advice… #54783
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    Participant

    Thanks for your advice. It’s reassuring to know that others feel that I made the right decision. When I’m sitting on the couch alone, I begin to question, and dwell on (!!) my own actions. I present myself as a strong person, but in truth, I have a lot of trouble appreciating myself.

    in reply to: Is Timing Everything…? #54782
    D
    Participant

    Hi Michael,
    I understand your situation as I experienced something very similar. It’s hard to go without contact and the endless hours of wondering “what if” can be very draining. Having survived my situation, I can only tell you that you did nothing wrong. You didn’t drive her away; you didn’t make her uneasy or unsure of your future together. Those feelings derived from her own perceptions.
    Please do not think that you weren’t ‘good enough’. I drove myself into a depression with thoughts like that, only to finally realize that I was punishing myself for another person’s actions. Doesn’t make sense, does it?! Recognize that you treated her with respect and care, and give yourself credit for that. You’re a good person.
    So is timing everything? Hmm, it depends on how you look at it. Perhaps it was the perfect time for you to meet that girl. What did you learn from her? Why did she enter your life? Maybe in the whole scheme of things, she was just a great stepping stone for you to get to where you need to be…..
    Stay positive and please keep up the no contact.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)