You most welcome brian. I hope you can find your path to healing!

Thank you so much for replying anita.

Although my family was a safe place, during my late teens I felt incredibly lonely.

You definitely hit a spot when you said: “London was the idea of home”. I never thought about putting it in that context but it’s definitely true. I always thought that there I could have been so much more, kinda like a different person.

But just like you wisely said, I could have felt lost as well. And things could have gone very wrong.

Although I keep contact with family and friends back in Portugal (the city that I live is cheap enough to allow me to get back to Portugal on a regular basis, at least pre pandemic), but yes, it’s a city where I don’t have any connections. I literally feel that the only thing that I do is go to work and then get back home and “hide” on my bedroom, far way from everything and everyone.

I think that it’s my fault that I don’t have any deep connections where I live. I got so wrapped up in my head, that mentally I feel that I hate everyone and everything. Since there was no fulfillment the city where I live ment sadness and something that was bad for me. Maybe I should try to work out to see  the good!

And yes, you are very right: “connecting with others is what it makes you feel at home”

Maybe I should try to see how I can make France be my home. And after that, I can think about moving other places or getting a new job.

Thank you so much for your support and kind words!!