I feel for you Sherry, That is not an easy thing to deal with for sure! Sadly I can relate to some of the things you are going through. It really hurts for sure. When I found out my wife was lying to me… it devastated me… I acted and said things that seemed justified at the time.. but now I feel guilty about my behavior(funny how that happened she messes up big time and I end up feeling first really mad,,then ashamed of how I acted…disappointed in me for putting myself with a person who is like this and disrespecting myself for how I have behaved after the fact). I have learned in the last little while with all that I have gone through..loss of two 14 year old dogs a llittle over a month ago, a chronic stomach problem.. which they just took my gallbladder out little over a week ago and now catching my wife in lying to me. It looks like my relationship is over..(cause i can’t say I could ever really trust her completely again) so much loss and pain i the last 6 months. But what I am learning is that I need to be there for myself. I know the counselors always tell us to be kinder to ourselves.. It has always felt un manly or weak for me to be kind to myself.(Somehow I always wanted others to be that way but I have been unwilling to be that way for myself) But I have been trying to be kind to myself and it has given me some relief from all the different kinds of hurt. I have started just saying to myself good job for each little thing I do. And telling myself that that I will be OK many times a day even if I don’t always believe it. Cause in truth that is what I would like my wife and my friends and family to tell me. And to be really honest they don’t know how to fix my problems… So it is up to me to keep praising myself inside for every-little step I make. Even a little as drinking a glass of water cause i would rater have something else….washing my hands…taking a shower…the simple things… and Sherry I have to say it has made the biggest difference in bringing back to some feelings of safety and hope for my future. I am very much a work in progress (need to restart my mediation practice) and dam it we can recover from hard things… my past shows that we do survive and what ever happens we will make it through what we are going through… Our history proved we will. I am wishing a healing day Sherry. 🙂
I am going to set a goal to meditate tonight. do you have one small goal?
I doubt I did you any good but Sherry I just want to thank you for being honest with what you are going through. Some how it gave me that freedom to write all this stuff down. thank you it helped. 🙂 Gary