I think the shame comes from my people pleasing nature.  I always want people to think well of me (and this is where I get a lot of my self worth).  I pushed down my needs in the relationship in order avoid conflict.   I’m seeing a counsellor now – she feels I have a  passive communication style.  I’m hoping with my counsellor I can explore my patterns in the relationship.  I am feeling extremely guilty for never telling my partner what I truely needed.  I feel like it’s my fault.  He is being extremely cooperative in the breakup which is making miss him so much.  I’m definitely grieving the loss of our relationship (while emotionally he was distant, he was extremely reliable and dependable).  He doesn’t have a large social group and I am so worried about him getting lonely.

Thanks for all your responses.  They help me process all this.  I definitely struggles with communicating my boundaries – to let him know what is and what isn’t ok.  I did address our relationship this morning and he was more receptive – agreeing to work on it.  He did not agree to see a counsel or together.  I am planning on getting my own counseling.  I have ALOT of shame around admitting to others we have a less than ideal relationship (even my family and close friends).  I did have a long talk with one of my friends today and was very open about things.  I then had a good cry.  Im gonna give it a bit of time and see how it goes with setting better boundaries (and not avoiding difficult conversations), talking more openly with my close family and close friends, & getting my own counselling.   I think I have some of my own shame issues to work on.  I have been having pretty bad anxiety (not hungry, trouble sleeping, tummy pain) – although it’s eased up a bit now with my talking to my friend and to my boyfriend.  He is being much more pleasant today… but this is only one day.