Dear Anita, Anonymous and Satao,
Thank you for your insightful responses! I can’t begin to tell you how much lighter I feel now after being heard, understood and advised!

Anonymous – I was feeling so terrible for not being socially comfortable. As each day passed, I was expecting things to miraculously change and be the fun cool social person despite not putting much effort. And when those miracles didn’t happen, disappointment would grow. And yes, I was feeling bad – like a bad person for not being able to trust people and not feeling as good as I had once felt. But, I am glad to hear this is normal and that it is fair that my trust has to be earned.

Anita – I like the idea about writing a list! And, I really think I miss not having that connection with people. I should put in some effort into building real connections and a social life. I should be learn to accept that these new connections will be different that my college or school connections. They will take time but hopefully be stronger and more meaningful!

Thanks to both of you for understanding so well. I feel stronger and less crazy somehow!

Thank you! As I mentioned, I used to be a very fun and outgoing person. This meant, I would occasionally drink and attend parties. After college, I moved to city where an older cousin, who used to be a recovering alcoholic with deep anxiety issues also lived. I was also facing some personal (mild version of depression) and professional issues (lack of job) when I moved – all this prevented me from traveling, or even drinking or doing anything fun. When Jane (who sort of knew that I was unwell and with issues) and others visited, this cousin also visited us because he also knew them. Jane, unaware of my cousin’s deep-rooted fear of drinking, started making fun of me that I was no longer fun and that I was dull and that I should drink and go out more. My cousin, assuming that I was being pushed got very mad and thought he had to defend me. In this process, he firmly said that Jane should be helping me do better in life instead of forcing me to “resort to unhealthy habits”. I guess this offended her. I wouldn’t entirely blame her. We used to make fun of each other. My cousin should not have gotten involved. I tried to put an end and was able to finally get my cousin out of that spot. Then, I apologized to Jane and the others and told them that my cousin was only trying to protect me. This did not help and I tried to explain this to the others and they immediately agreed with me. Jane was not around when I spoke to the rest of the group.

P.S.: We come from a slightly orthodox country and alcohol is a little touchy topic for us. But, everyone drinks.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by sunflowerbird89.