Hi Alora,

From what you described of your relationship, it sounds very toxic. You mentioned that you have endured constant pain, have been given false hope, and that the ex still has some kind of control/power over you/your emotions. These are some red flags that might indicate that your ex is a narcissist. When I say narcissist, it doesn’t simply mean someone who is merely self absorbed and thinks highly of himself, but a person who has deeper psychological disorder of Narcissism. I was deeply in love with someone for years too thinking he was “the one”, but was mistreated towards the end when the love faded, received no closure, and carried around the hopes that we would eventually be back together. I was lost and confused and was very depressed. After 1 year of the separation, I found out that my ex had been deceitful and had slept with numerous girls during the last half of our relationship. I was in shock and disbelief, and I could not comprehend my reality. I came across an article about being in a relationship with a narcissists and everything just started to make sense. It gave me closure, because I realized the true nature of my ex, and realized I was just a victim who fell for an illusion; therefore shouldn’t have any more hopes for being back together. I suggest you read up about relationships with a Narcissist and identify whether you have been victimized. Narcissists get a thrill out of having control over someone even if it is indirectly. Normal people with feelings and a conscience would not have any reason to lead you on and torment you when they already moved on to another relationship.
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/power-control-phases-narcissistic-relationships-donna-hines

The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard